Without Love - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘Show Me What You’ve Got’ contest.

Ah, this was a really sweet story. The whole best-friends-to-lovers thing can be so cute and heartwarming when it’s done right. I mean, I kind of wish Keith hadn’t cheated (and his logic for it wasn’t something I agreed with) when he and Melissa first slept together but I’m glad that he came around to his feelings for her so they could have their happy ending. I feel like Melissa does deserve better because of Keith’s whole “I don’t like looking like the jerk” logic, but I’m happy she got what she wanted. I also really like that she refused to kiss Keith while he was drunk.

However, like I’ve said on other stories of yours, a lot of your prose was choppy and clumsy because of how you would word something. At times, I feel like you were lacking detail and it felt like you were rushing. In the whole rushing thing, there wasn’t enough emotional depth so I couldn’t 100% connect to Melissa on a personal level. You kind of jumped from one place to another very quickly, which prevented me from connecting too. I do think maybe it would help if you just made the chapters long and introduced both Melissa and Keith to me slowly. You threw me headfirst into their relationship so I didn’t connect to Melissa, I didn’t see why she would love someone like Keith, and I ended up not really liking Keith at all. It was disappointing because the overall story was cute.

Comment swap brought me here, and I'm glad it did I'm just a bit bummed that it's almost midnight or just gone midnight I'm not entirely sure right now, I'm exhausted.

Anyway, I've read the first chapter, and I think it's really good, but as I say I'm really tired so I've recommended and subscribed so I can read it properly tomorrow/later today :) <3

May I also say I love the layout and the picture you've used!

I've been reading a lot of romance stories lately. Usually, I'm not too fond of them, but this one is lovely. I don't think I've ever seen someone quite as happy to be dumped than Keith, so that was quite comical to read! A lot of this did seem very real though. I liked that Melissa didn't willingly go with Keith when he was drunk, I think that would have completely ruined their friendship/relationship and it does seem like a very realistic and well thought-out decision on her part. The ending was very cute though. I really liked that you had them get together at the end. I'm a sucker for happy endings and it was really cute.

I'll be announcing the winners later on tonight, so good luck!

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This was absolutely adorable :)

@ Gabriel Garcia.
Glad you liked it. Thanks for pointing that out. I'll change it to PG-13. It was my mistake. XD

I like the way Melissa and Keith have friendly banters over the whole "let's go out for drinks" thing and whatnot, and the ending is super cute.
However, in my opinion, there are things in this story that go beyond a PG rating, like the mention of sex and being drunk. It would be more suited for a PG-13 rating because of these instances, but other than that, I really enjoyed reading this. :)

I think this story is pretty much adorable. It could be that I'm in a super lovey dovey type of mood, but I got butterflies reading this. :)

Best friends falling in love is one of my favorite types of stories to read. I like how Keith and Melissa interacted with each other, trying to be friends after everything that had happened, and then finally accepting that they can't resist each other.

I also like the title. I find that phrase to be clever and cute. I also like the layout; although, I had to turn it to the default layout because the bright text made my eyes strain to read in the weird lighting I'm in. BUT, I do like it. :)

I did find a few mistakes where the sentence was a run-on and needed to be split into two. One of them was:

We've been friends for years and eight days ago we had sex since then he was ignoring me, but here he is in my house actually asking me out for a couple of drinks.

I'll give a suggestion of how you might fix this (there are other ways, of course).

We've been friends for years, but eight days ago, we had sex. He's been ignoring me since, but here he is now, in my house, actually asking me out for a couple of drinks.

Using punctuation in certain places really helps the reader follow the events of the story much better. Your grammar and such was fine for the most part though.

I'm glad I read this. I kind of made my day! Good job!

Haha. I like it. Comment Swap sent me here.Your story's good.
I like the interaction and the fact that she didn't give in. The ending is really cute and I love how you leave what happened with them before to the imagination. Really good read. :3 Keep on writing! You're good at it. :)

Aw cute! C: Although I think that the beginning was a little choppy ("Drinks!" His eyes widened - it didn't flow well), the end was really good! Your short sentences worked to your advantage and the ending was adorable and fluffy and made me smile C:

Just feel the need to show the well deserved love to the story so you'll feel the appreciation that'll motivate you to write more amazing stuff like that. :)

This was cute. Good job.

Aw this was really cute. I didnt like the layout much though. It didnt go with the story. And I dont like blue... But the story was still cute. Like one of the commenters above said, you did kind of rush their love at the end. You should build it up to make it even more adorable(:
Last I could say is keep writing and never let anybody ever tell you different.

The new version is way much better.
I like it :D

I thought it was a very good interesting story unique I thought the ending could have been stronger ending... It wasn't weak but you could have made it crazy intense and awesome! But I think it's a good story

The new version rocks!
I think it is going really well so far.
I am excited to see where you take it. :D
Make it an actual chapter story pretty please... <3

I like this a lot better! Just a few more words were put into it, but it really made a difference. Still a little rushed at the beginning, but that's not a big deal.Good job! Keep it up :)

This is adorable. A few grammar mistakes, but no big deal. I really like it and the concept of it, but it seemed a little bit rushed in the middle of it, when it goes from him drunk to her getting together with him. Maybe put some more detail into it :) But over all, it was amazing. Totally cute <3

This is soo cute, everything you write is.

I don't believe it. It's as if you were talking about me.
Everything you described actually happened to me!
Did you search for my past or something? Lol
Anyway, you know I like it! And yeah, good luck!