Call Me Beautiful - Comments, page 2

I think this story is a really beautiful idea. You're so right about there not being many Dom fanfictions (I don't think I've ever read a FF fanfiction, despite seeing all the movies). But I've also read very few stories where the heroine is overweight. Just the summary broke my heart!
Now I'm going to give you some criticism to get your story to reach its proper potential :)
1. The layout. I like the background picture but the green/yellow is a bit hard on the eyes. Try going for more natural colours for the text block. Black and white is classic, although sometimes boring but have a look through the pre-made layouts on the site if you have the time.
2. I don't think the message on the summary page is totally necessary either. It's perfectly fine to just have the object of your fanfic in the brief description, which you have :) Also the telling people to not read if they're going to be negative, you really shouldn't have to put that in! Most people on here won't comment like that, and if they do REPORT THE BASTARD. Being mean isn't allowed on Mibba, fortunately.
3. Perhaps the most important point is about your grammar. It's so important to get it right. Apostrophes and differentiating between their/there/they're and your/you're etc. is something that will attract readers. Not using it, will deter readers :/ If you're unsure about any grammar things, it's a good idea to look in the forum section of the site and go into the writing tips part and have a read. It's something that gets better with practice like anything.
4. For future reference, I'm not sure if you're planning this, but writing in another point of view, unless you switch every chapter or something like some people do, is annoying to quite a few readers, like myself. You haven't done it yet, which is good but yeah, avoid changing your narrator to Dom or something like that. I just noticed you put "Synabella's POV" in the chapter description so yeah :)
5. Synabella obviously has a lot of issues with her own self-esteem/bullying as well as her family life. Jumping into those issues isn't so great in the first few chapters. It's something you want to hint at for at least the first five chapters and then maybe start drip-feeding her past to the reader, you know? Her self-image is a really great one to start the story with, considering you've already talked about it in the summary and is a cornerstone of the story.
Just remember writing's all about editing, over and over again till you're perfectly happy with it. Your style will mature and you'll develop that control over your worlds to have your reader eating out of your hands. Three chapters in and I can tell already you're a true story-teller who puts a lot of effort into their characters. Good luck with it all :) I'm gonna subscribe and see where you go with it.

June 10th, 2012 at 10:59am