A Lost Hope - Comments

Okay, so, uhm.

The layout is nice. Simple. Not overdone. Good job on that.

There are quite a few errors around the place - not huge ones, mind - just little things, missed letters, joined words, ect.

It's a decent plot and I'd like to see where you take it, but the whole thing is very.. rushed. We don't know anything about the characters, really, besides their ages and where they are. We don't know what they're like, or what they think, or what they're doing, really.

Also, I personally found it a bit weird that Amelia greeted her brother with his full, middle included, name. Just a tad odd.

Anyway, yeah, it seems rushed. Killing two of your characters off like that in the second chapter, it was a bit... well, sudden.

It has potential, but I think you just need to slow down a bit and give it a bit of TLC to morph it into something really good. A beta wouldn't even go astray.

Lmao, I know I have mistakes, but in my defense, I have to type pretty fast, cuz my rents don't know tht i have thiss..lol

So, first off, the layout. It's pretty simple and I like it for the most part, except for the text on the red, because it kind of hurts my eyes to read. But that might just be me.

As for the actual comment, it's definitely not bad. You have a pretty interesting plot, and not a lot of grammar and spelling errors. I think you moved a little fast, and you did more tellong then showing. Like, you didn't give Amelia a rocksolid personality. She seemed like a robot, telling things that were going on.

But like I said, you have a good plot and your writing isn't bad. :)

Oh. "Alright, I gotta go, I'm really tired, I lov eyou and I hope you do good today!"

^ The bolded part, I think it should be 'love you' not "lov eyou.' :)

First of all, this has potential.

Layout: It's beautiful, to say the least. It gives off a sad kind of vibe for me. Don't know why, but was that your plan? To have the layout look all sad?

Summary: It was good, but I don't think wasa is a word. It's "was a" :) Other than that, the summary WAS interesting, kind of long, but good.

Pro:This was an interesting beginning. You wanted to show your readers something bad was going to happen and THAT'S where the plot line comes in. I loved that ^.^

First: Amelias family looks like a typical family, sort of like mines. I like that. I found about 2 grammar and spelling mistakes. You just have to re-read the chapter again, that's all :)

Second: This is when the death happens, right? I felt like there was no emotion in it. You could have had more powerful words and slightly dramatic happenings. Not OVERLY dramatic, but enough to make us want more.

That's all, but this story is really good ^.^

Ah! NO THEY SHALL NOT DIE! Parents are awesome. I is in tears! Dx

I kinda wish there was a "like" button....so i could like ur comment...lool

Brianna Marie. I am your best friend. And I love you.

DUDE, I want to know what happens! What happens? Huh? HUH?

YOU BETTER BE UPDATING SOON BEFORE THIS KNIFE IS IN YO' THROAT, BIOTCH!

I is kidding :3