Twisted Symphony - Comments

I am seriously glad that I put "fire in (your) belly" from my comments. That's what I was aiming at. It's just a way of showing how much your pure and beautiful writing got me hooked. I mean, you got me hooked on ALL of your stories really. And this one? My God I cried one too many times, and I laughed and made silly faces at it.. Haha. You're amazing! I mean, I wish that at 17 I was as good of a writer as you, hun, and with your imagination. :)
Now onto this story: Dear Lord almighty, I am so in love with "Twisted Symphony". It's a little different from all the other stories you have posted here but it's just so perfect. I'm seriously so in love with Johnnie and Gabrielle it's... Insane! I love everything about them. When they got together, when they were at Central park together drinking apple juice and iced tea, when Sarah asked if they loved each other and he blushed, when they said they loved each other,.. just, reading all those moments and everything about them... I was the one with "fire in my tummy", I just absolutely adore this story.
But I didn't understand if you're writing a Sequel or not...? I can't seem to find it, so maybe you gave the sequel up? If that's the case then, and now this is me being really bossy, don't! please! keep writing it! for the love of all that's good and pure in this world! keep writing iiiit! Hahah. :P
Well that's it for now, hun.
"See you later."
- Sara.

I do not enjoy your snippy little threat at the end. What do you mean this won't last forever? Do I need to come over and slap you senseless? I'm truly traumatized right now by their cuteness, and their perfection together. Don't you dare ruin that. It would be strongly advised against for the sake of your own health. I love Johnnie and Gabrielle together far too much to allow you to ruin it. So basically, don't.

And by the way, this chapter was insanely cute. I really love them together. May the adorableness continue. Thank you. And good day.

awwww snapppppp ;D

So your sickness is no excuse for anything. I expect a post by tomorrow or else I will find you! This last part was amazing, and HALLELUJAH they are finally together!! Now they need to get married and cute little babies! So get on that. And if anything bad happens, I will be extremely angry. You might need to start watching your back.

I love the honesty of the last chapter. It's a difficult situation and she's only human for feeling that she has one over Kayla. Your stories are so addicting and your writing reads like a published novel update soon!! x

Amazing. You are such an amazing writer.
i'm totally subbing!

Just read this story and I am 100% hooked!!! Johnnie and gabrielle's relationship is just one to die for. I love it soo much. Please update soon. <3
Much love- Kimm

Still my fave story! Finally caught up on reading this! Keep updating!!

I don't really understand why this doesn't have more comments, I mean, seriously?
THIS STORY IS SO AMAZING.
filthy mind set; gave me the link and said that if I loved Prosper, I'd love Johnnie and she's completely, utterly right.
please update soon, and happy new year!(:

Johnnie! Hahah I love this story! I just found it, and I already love it! <3

Johnnie <3 omg i love him <3

I love johnnie better than John for some reason. :p but please continue! :)

I firstly want to say that I love the quote in your summary, and I like what you've done with your chapter titles being nouns (I do this too, only with verbs!).

There's something comically awkward about your opening scene in the first chapter. I think that's good. The very first line could perhaps be structured a bit better- maybe with a - instead of a comma, to emphasise the conclusion being drawn. I think that would make it stand better on its own, if it's going to be separated from the rest of the paragraph that follows.

I like the depth of detail that goes into your descriptions in the first chapter. This really helps to establish the setting, and I feel like this is already a liveable story. There are just a few things you do in terms of structure and syntax that could benefit from a proof-read. Here are three examples:

“Ya got everything miss?”

There should be a comma before 'miss', as he is addressing her.

It’s like a teenaged paradise for some.

I think 'teenage' is the right word here, unless you mean that the paradise itself has an age. I took it to mean that it was a paradise for teenagers, and had a teenage atmosphere.

Analyzing me.

While this line is great singled out, it isn't really connected to the paragraph above it. I would maybe put it in italics, and end the line above it with a '...'.

I'm not going to nitpick every single thing in the following chapters, but I'll just recommend going over this once more for small mistakes. Maybe you could get a beta to do that for you.

In the chapters that follow the first one, you seem to build up a solid plot. You also continue with your descriptions of the people and setting, which is awesome, and you continue to develop your character's thoughts. There are a few points where the paragraphs get over-long (eg. the end of the second chapter), and could be broken up, but otherwise, your structure is fine. The chapters are also of good lengths, and end at appropriate points.

Overall, I really get a sense of the mood and setting for this story (especially the weather, for some reason), and I feel like reading it is a bit like having a holiday. This means that it's effective escapism, I think.

I haven't read the whole thing, but I'm sure it's great, and I wish you the best with it!

this bitch kayla is really getting under my skin, LISTEN BITCH JOHNNIE DOESN'T WANT YOU >:O vbjkdfshjkdsnklfnlds omg i wanna snuff her .-.

Perfect! Team Johnny <3

I had the biggest grin on my face the whole entire chapter omg omg nyahhhh this was amazing. Johnnie <3

oh boy oh boy. shes going home. im sure Johnnie needs a nice foot up his ass.

Your a butthead. Update or else. I'm not kidding.

YOU'RE BACK! This was my favorite story way back before it got deleted! (: I'm just really glad that it's back and can't wait for more updates. (:
Btw...I remember a couple of great detail from before! Won't spoil any though! Haha. (:
xoxo update soon please! <3

Hahaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm in love w/ this story too :D
Gabby dearest is awesomemazing <3
& the rest of the characters are so original :D
iz awesome.
AWESOME I TELL YOU O.o