Mannaro - Comments

Mannaro is a really unusual name! I quite liked that, it gave the story a quirky little touch and also made me think right from the get-go that he was different from other people. He seems like he has a really strong personality and April seems like the perfect personality for him - she definitely challenges him at times throughout this, which I like to see! You've created very strong characters throughout this, and it's really interesting to see that. Your storyline was interesting as well. It all seems very Twilight-esque, but you've added more into it than that and it all seems very fleshed-out.

The only niggle I have is that sometimes when you're writing dialogue, you aren't using the correct punctuation and capitalisation. For instance, “Hi I’m April,” She smiled should actually be "Hi I'm April," she smiled as the s in she shouldn't be capitalised. Also, if you are following on dialogue with a dialogue tag (he said, she said, for example), you should always use a comma to punctuate the end of a piece of dialogue and not a period.

I'll be announcing the winners of the contest on Saturday, so good luck!

You should proofread or have a beta reader go over this story. There were many mistakes, some of them repeated as well, and it takes away from the story, honestly.

Mannaro is a strange name, for a strange guy! I think this was a great way for these two to meet. Mann has definitely left an impression on April! I really hope that they're better for each other... That they can possibly help each other to find the middle ground between too kind and too mean.

Really well done.

This was nice. I really liked the end that it was love at first site.

I love it. :)
Thank-you so much for writing it! I love the name Mannaro also. It was a great idea. :) The layout is lovely.
Thank-you for picking me for second place!
<3