October 7th, 2012 at 08:56am
I like the layout a lot, it's simple but that makes it very easy to read.
After reading the first chapter of this, I like freaked out from happiness. The concept is just so awesome and original and I love anything to do with grim reaper type things. So far this story has not disappointed me.
""I take in his all black apparel contrasting with his pale skin. His thin arms wrapped around his lithe body." I love the visual here, this line was just written so well.
I also love how at the beginning he's so callous but once he meets Frankie he's completely different with him and you could tell he really loves him. Though it was little bit too love-at-first-sight-ish, but that actually makes sense if he turns out to be the one Gerard is meant to be with.
I liked how you portrayed high school life in this story, it's quite realistic though I'm not sure people would be that rude to him, but who knows I know at some schools people are exceptionally nasty to people who are different then them.
I liked how you started each chapter off with a song title, it really gives the reader a feel for what they're about to read.
'“You do realize this is like Twilight right?”
“Uhh no its not, I’m Death, not some freaky glittery vampire. And secondly I’m older than he is.” He replies flicking my nose."' This made me seriously laugh my butt off, probably my favorite line that I've read for a good while. However in this whole chapter the dialogue should be broken up a bit more and not all congregated together in a big clump. I also thought Frankie took the news a little too well, but that's just my opinon.
I really like this so far. Good job and keep going.
If Frankie isn't the one, I'm gonna be pissed the fuck off. Just saying. Make Frank be the one. :3