Children are our Future - Comments

This is lovely, I really enjoyed it, thanks so much for entering it in my contest.

I couldn't see any errors (some of the speech marks looked strange - but I'm pretty sure that's not your fault, hah).

I would've loved a little more description of where they are, but I totally understand the purpose of it as a drabble, and your writing carried it perfectly as it was.

I loved the twist that it was a little girl and her father, but she is awful wordy for a 12 year old. Maybe I was just slow as a kid, but I definitely didn't know what hedonism was at that age, hehe.

It's wonderful, I really enjoyed it! I loved that they were father and daughter because it's something you don't read often on Mibba. Good luck in the contest, I'm judging it now so keep your eyes peeled on the thread page. <3

Awh, I like the banner. It's cute. :3 And the background is really pretty. I felt like you could have added a little bit more to the summary.

Well wasn't this sweet? It was really strange at first, because I thought this girl was older and kind of psychotic, but then toward the end I realized she was probably younger and talking to her dad. And I was right! This was really cute and I could totally picture a little girl saything stuff like this. Though, I'm not sure a twelve year old girl would know what hedonism is.

Anyway, good job on this. It was unexpectedly cute. (:

First off, I noticed a few mistakes. I think there should be commas in 'long, blonde, hippie inspired hair' and in "no they, won't. I'll wear socks." you don't need the comma. You also got the tenses a bit confused, as you say 'she never wears' and then you swap to 'in fact she hated'.

Mistakes aside, this was really sweet and something totally different. I like how you started this. It was very blunt and to the point, but it set the scene for the rest of the story. I also like the quote in the second line. You could have just written the first and third lines and left it at that, but by slipping the second line in you seem to justify why she hates and never wears shoes.

The ending was totally unexpected, but really sweet as well. It was a nice twist, as throughout the rest of the story I thought she was a young adult talking to her boyfriend. However, it worked well and was a really good way to end.