Oh my! At first I didn't know what this was or where it was headed then I read, "My legs spread open." My jaw literally dropped. So, it had that twist that I was hoping for. I actually said, "What the *ck?!"
The room it’s spinning." The room IS spinning.
"My hands, they go through, them. The comma isn't necessary and you don't need the word 'they' the sentence sounds just fine if it reads, "My hands go through them."
"My girlfriend she picks me up." Again, the sentence sounds fine if you take out 'she.'
There aren't any spelling errors. I just advice you to omit needless words. And some sentences, you forgot to put a period.
Thank you for entering my contest. I will PM the winners and post them in the contest forum as well.
The room it’s spinning." The room IS spinning.
"My hands, they go through, them. The comma isn't necessary and you don't need the word 'they' the sentence sounds just fine if it reads, "My hands go through them."
"My girlfriend she picks me up." Again, the sentence sounds fine if you take out 'she.'
There aren't any spelling errors. I just advice you to omit needless words. And some sentences, you forgot to put a period.
Thank you for entering my contest. I will PM the winners and post them in the contest forum as well.