Demons - Comments

I totally agree with BronwynMae. This storyline is amazing and shows lots of promise.

wow honey, I just looooove the whole idea/concept :3 much lovee x

the dialoge needs names, sorry, i know what you're try to do but people will complain, like me. your sentences need more description, this with fatten them up nicely. the storyline sounds brilliant. your word are little plain for a demotic book. Here is what I do when getting the scenery ready for my characters entrance. I describe it from a distance, then I describe it up-close, and last but not least I describe it from my characters POV. So if I am describing snowing mountains from a distance this is how I would do it.

Pale blue shark teeth bite the distant horizon. The crowd of mountains that gather together not far from my village are blocking the new morning sun as usual. But without the mountains there would be no stream passing through the village. From the village the mountains look calm and beautiful, something you’d only see once in your lifetime, but from where I stand I don’t have much life left. The mountain shrieks and blows at us with such incredible force. My beard is sprinkled with snow flakes and frozen spit that uncontrollably dribbles from my lips. I wish I’d never thought of climbing to the top of the mountain.
i hope i helped and i hope you finish this book!