Puppet Master - Comments

I don't think I've ever come across a hit-man story before so hmm, this looks very interesting :D I'll recommend you using white writing or something, the black makes it hard to see against the dark grey :S But oh my goodness, I love the way how Brian kills people. He seems a lot more intelligent than your usual hit-man thug and the way how he seems really bored when he's killing people just highlights how dry and sarcastic he is. x] This is really good so far, great job :3

I really liked it. The main character is pretty funny even when he's not trying to be. No grammar errors that I spotted. The characters that you present in the story even if they do have a small part kind of set the tone for the rest of the story which I love.

Keep writing!

Wow, this is amazing. Its like you can feel the characters emotions. That always makes a story amazing. I'm excited to see where this goes. Please continue!

"Who the he'll is this amazing hit man?"
..."Me"

Those lines are amazing, and I absolutely love the way you make Brian so nonchalant about his job. You do a really good job telling us about him just by the way he talks. He is an interesting character, and a great one to build a story around.

And the story is very original, I don't think I've come across any plots that are like it, and I like how you open it up with an intense and violent scene, it makes me want to come back and read more!

No grammatical errors that I spotted, good job! You keep writing and I'll keep reading:)