Bruised - Comments

  • amaranthine.

    amaranthine. (155)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    28
    Location:
    Great Britain (UK)
    Review for the contest:

    This was really good. It was really sad, and I instantly felt sorry for the main character. I'm really glad it had a happy ending though. I liked the drama of the conflict scene (I like conflict scenes in general) and the fear that you created when she was on her way home - it built up a good atmosphere for what happened once she got inside the house. My favourite line was "How could it be so beautiful when I couldn’t?" - I just thought that fit the character's mood really well, and it really made me sympathise with her.
    The only bit of language I didn't like was the bit when you said his face was "red as a tomato". I know that's really picky of me, but I just think that that phrase, as well as sounding a little cliched, made it sound a bit comedic and, obviously, it wasn't a comedy story. I also thought that maybe the conflict scene was a little rushed - the main character instantly started screaming an entire paragraph of insults at her mum's boyfriend, and I thought that was a little unrealistic. Other than that, though, I really enjoyed it. Great job! :D
    October 30th, 2011 at 07:38pm
  • MsMairaV

    MsMairaV (960)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    33
    Location:
    Greece
    That was fantastic! I loved it! :D
    Way to go dude :-)
    October 28th, 2011 at 12:53am