The Wishing Machine - Comments

Happy Halloween! Here's your third recc and comment!

This was absolutely chilling and stunning.

I've been in similar situations to Gail so I connected with her completely and even the part about wanting them to go away. I loved how vague the wish in the beginning was because we don't know who they are yet but then she gets to the party and immediately we know who they are. The whole bathroom scene is something that sadly does happen a lot in real life and you conveyed it well with the voice being what I could only assume the wishing machine.

The ending was something that I didn't expect. I knew Gail wanted them to go away and that beating was only going to add to her anger but I didn't expect her to murder them. The way the wishing card was found in her pocket just finishes the whole story off and leaves you with an imagination since you don't actually know what happened to the girls only what you can assume. This will be the second piece I use for your blog reviews.

I really, really like this!

I'm a sucker for the kind of almost simplistic writing style you use in parts here. It means that one sentence can convey a million meanings without getting too wordy, and that's a talent I really respect. At first I wasn't so sure about the whole beating up/slut-naming scenario because it felt a little.. staged, I suppose is the closest word. It just seemed like after such a simple, lovely narrative at first that it descended a bit in to a kind of situation which doesn't necessarily ring true to life, but then when you brought up how it was staged I remembered her wish, and realised that this was not a one-off event and rather a continuation of a pattern of bullying, if that makes any sense.

The ending of this was definitely chilling, the note and the situation. I absolutely loved how you created that emotional disconnect from the main character by switching person, I thought that was really clever. This was overall a very well thought-out and executed piece, and definitely very spooky!

Excellent work!

Amazing! What an original story and it was so beautifully written to boot! Seriously, this was so awesome, I just wish I had read it during Halloween! I loved how it turned out in the end. I just wonder if Luke got his Big Mac.
That's a lame excuse of a joke, haha.
Gah! I mean, there was just a perfect flow to the story and it always held my attention! You're an incredible writer!
AMAZING job on this!

Comment swap!
Wow! This is so fantastic! So intense! And so original. I like how it's just one chapter. It really is sad how accurate the scene where Lily is beating her up is. I love the ending. You are one awesome writer.

I am so glad to finally read a short story. These are what I live to read and beyond that I must say that this is very well written as well! The entire "mechanics" (as my English teacher calls grammar and spelling) are all there and are presented in a great way. I also loved the ending I love it when the main character goes insane. On the contrary to "invisible secrecy" I must say that I enjoyed the color contrast unless you changed it.

Heeeey. Thanks for the journal respond, I actually just got the time to read one-shots now, since I fell asleep right after I posted that journal.

Anyhow, the banner is very scary. I love it. The colour contrast hurt my eyes- with the black as background and white as the font. I had to narrow my eyes while reading the story just so I could keep reading because I have to say that I really like the story.

My first impression was that your writing is simple and straight forward. However as the story went you showed your true writing colour. I like how you keep it sarcastic at times. You're one funny storyteller, and that is what most readers like, which includes me.

The main character, Gail, has just become one of my favourite made-up character from mibba. She was a sharp, non-believer who loved her pride. At least that is what I think of her. I also like Luke for his funny enthusiastic personality. At first when he wished for Big Mac, I thought a Big Mac as in really big would appear. Weird. Anyway, I just love how Gail spoiled it by saying her remark.

“It’s a shame that such pretty girls have to be such bitches,” - when this statement came, the first thing that ran through my mind was that Gail would be offended or something because she wasn't a bitch, so that would mean she was ugly. lol. Don't mind me, I spoiled a lot of stories with my strange imagination.

From bitch to witch. Popular one yet. I, too, love this line the best. Genius. It made me laugh out loud which is very rare for a lack-of-excitement reader like I am.

I have to admit that I didn't get the story at first but after a few rereads, I finally let out a big 'OH!', nodded and clapped my hands quietly like an idiot. Gladly no one saw me.

Last comment: Brilliant.

HEY I'M RAMBLING! I GOT MY POWER BACK... I think so. ==,

I don't know if it's what you were going for, but this was funny as! I loved the realistic reactions the characters had to things, and these were my favourite lines:

“I wish for a Big Mac!”

From bitch to witch.

I would probably wish for food, too, and that last line is genius!

I thought the bit with the bullies was slightly cliched, but the rest of the story is lovely and very readable. You have a simple yet eloquent writing style, and everything really flows. The idea of the wishing machine was also clever and creepy. The ending was perfect.

Well done!

^_^ This was perfect for Halloween. It was creepy.

I like the picture it was really eye catching. I also liked the summary I was instantly drawn in. I couldn't wait to read this. I was disappointed with the color choice and the lack of layout, but when I got done with the story I had enjoyed it.

I found a few mistakes:

and it was pushing in the corner - pushed?
until he shouted, Gail, come here! I found it.” - Need an apostrophe
what you’re issue is - your

Perfect for Halloween
This was definitely a fun read and I love that it focused more on the plot rather than the color of the sky or how popular the head bitch is
I actually saw an abandoned fortune telling machine when I went to the beach 2 weeks ago. It's an eerie thought to remember cause it was all dusty and broken
Anyways, I love the ending and everything just wrapped up nicely

"From bitch to witch." Best line ever, hahaha. <3

This was awesome, though! Perfect for Halloween and very well written :D

Definately spooky and Halloween-y! :)

This was perfect, what with her making the wish come true. I find it really creepy that the card in her pocket said "Your wish has been granted". Great job with this!

I love it!!!

It's fun with that perfect amount of spooky for Halloween!

I don't know why you're not a published author, because you are by far one of the best writers on Mibba.