Stay Cruel and Represent - Comments

Aw, I would but I'm just trying to focus on this one at the moment.

r u interested in doing a story with me

Aw, thank you so much for your critiques, Whiskey Hands :) I fixed all my editing. I'll try to take my time more when I write the next chapters! I hope you keep reading!

Prologue:
It's not that you have to rich, - to be rich (maybe missing one word?) :)

Chapter One
It was a silver framed photo of my family. My big, protective, polish-slurring, law-breaking family. - with these two lines, I really like the descriptions you've used. :) I was a bit worried thinking that you were going to start this in a depressing kind of way talking about a deceased family member straight off the bat. But I like how it's the family and they're given these descriptions that read quite humorously in a way. :) I like that it's not a depressing mention considering what the narrator explains later on in the chapter. :)

Dominik did it because he tries to be a bad ass. - I think for the sake of this story 'bad ass' seems a litte off in a way. :/ I think maybe words like ruthless, merciless, tough might work better?

Four years ago, there was this mass shooting. - you don't need that comma in there, the sentence reads perfectly well without it. :) It makes it seem a little more conversational without it too.

Russian's were more prepared then my - 'than' rather than 'then.'

are now accustom to - accustomed

I think they're two pretty decent chapters. I like that you haven't initially made her straight up say that she's going to avenge the death of her family, or even hinted at something like that which is what I thought might have happened. But you told of what she missed and that she still hurt about it, but that the Mafia is still going on. I also like that you've written this in first person and made it not sound weird, in a way. Because sometimes first person doesn't quite make you feel like you can relate to characters, but this doesn't sound badly written or thought out at all. :) I like that it doesn't sound like a selfish kind of first person. :)

And I like that it's also set in Hell's Kitchen, my only knowledge of it is from Sleepers by Lorenzo Carcaterra and it sounded like a really Irish kind of place, so it's neat to see it from another perspective. :)

Ohhh the mob! This'll be fun :D