All Your Life - Comments

  • TBPFelton18

    TBPFelton18 (100)

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    Thank you! :)
    December 6th, 2011 at 11:54pm
  • River Young;

    River Young; (100)

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    Ah! Its over! It was good! And very sweet! :)
    November 21st, 2011 at 06:31pm
  • TBPFelton18

    TBPFelton18 (100)

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    To Aha!I'm CaptainHook! ~Yeah, I'll probably go back and fix the dialogue and paragraphs later, I wanna get it up first. Thanks for reading and commenting. :)
    November 11th, 2011 at 12:08am
  • River Young;

    River Young; (100)

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    Comment Virginity!!! :D

    Okay, first. When a new person starts talking, you should make it a new paragraph. Such as:

    Eve said, "......"

    "...." Ryder said.

    Dialogue needs a little tweeking there. Your description is very good, easy to follow, not too deep.
    I like it! :)
    November 10th, 2011 at 11:57pm