August 10th, 2012 at 07:06pm
I like how this is a HP fanfic which doesn't concentrate on Harry but is still based around the characters JKR created. I like the first chapter, the actions within give a good idea of what the characters are like. I found the dialogue in the chapter 'Breakfast' a little unnatural, like the phrasing was not how I would imagine Fred to talk, but it wasn't bad.
I'm a bit confused, I think it must just be my stupidity but in the first chapter she was with her friend Emiily and in the second chapter she was called Emily? I think it's just me, but please explain what I'm missing!
Apart from that, it seems a good story and also, I like the layout too :)
thanks for commenting! The reason Fred is talking a bit different is because he's talking to a girl, in JK Rowlings series he's usually addressing guys or girls that he's been friends with for a long time. In the second chapter he is just trying to make friends. I hope that answered your question...
And they're both named Emily, it's a bit confusing but they both get nicknames later on in the story