Shooting Stars - Comments

Here from comment swap. I will preface this review with the fact that I do not like Real-Person(s) fanfictions, and I normally refuse to read them. Take what I say with a grain of salt.

Layout is very cute and pleasing, despite the bright pink color. The formatting of the story was very difficult to read without added line breaks. As for pacing, it all feels a little too fast for me, and it leaves little room for build up or character development. Slow down. Chew the scenery a little bit. Take a moment to describe what the characters are seeing and feeling.

The stranger just giving away tickets is forgivable, but I would hope that he comes back sometime in the story. Mysterious beings/strangers that only show up once in a story are so frustrating, I wanna know more about them!

Comment swap!

The layout was the biggest snag for me, but that's not to say it doesn't fit the mood. I could have used a little more detail outside of the main plot, in terms of setting and character arcs, but I'm also a sucker for a fast paced read. Great job!

Hello! I am here from comment swap! First off, I absolutely love hockey so I am glad I got to read your story! So, with that being said, I will delve into the critiques. My main issue was honestly your layout. I had to zoom in so I could read your story without going cross-eyed every few sentences. So layout was kinda a bummer because it took away from me enjoying the story. Design is great, just maybe enlarge the words a little bit. Another thing I noticed was that it felt rushed. Take some time with your characters and introduce them to the reader. What does Sophie look like? What was she feeling in the locker room? How exactly did she charm the hockey players into swapping numbers? The plot itself is great and well thought out, but I am missing something from your characters. Besides those two things though, you have a solid story and I enjoyed reading the first few chapters! Good work!

<3

nicely done

Glad she has such a great support group!!

:D im still here

I well and truly enjoyed this story so far. It's quite deep and emotional the way that it sort of twists from the feel you get from the start to the last chapter. It's so sad, but in a good way. Poor Sophie. She got something that she really wanted but then the worst case scenario happened and everything took a turn for the worst. Like, if she had never been given he tickets, she would never had been to that hotel and never would have been kidnapped, then her family would never have been killed. You're A great writer and should definitely carry on with this story. It's just wow. Wow. I really like it, really like the story like so well done because your story so really great!

I really like this, update soon?:)

I really like this layout a lot :). I don't watch hockey or know too much about it, but I got this on the comment swap and I'm excited to read it :). I can relate to Joseph and Sophie's excitement - I got warped tour tickets for Christmas and screamed too! haha. The -10 weather seems almost heavenly to me now haha, with it being so freaking hot, but I like that she's driving her parents around instead of vice versa. They must be a huge sports familyw ith all the jerseys they're getting! I think that's cool though, it's a way for everyone to bond. The only think I'd reccomend is putting a prologue/preface before the first chapter of the story simply because it gives good background and gets the reader more engrossed in the story before jumping right in the action; but you seem to have done that pretty well yourself already! youer quite the good writer <3.

Like the previous comment, I have never been a hockey fan either, but that doesn't take away from your story at all. It just makes it seem more of an original fiction to me rather than fan-fic. The banner and layout work very well. And I love the format.

Spectacular idea you have. I look forward to more!

In all honesty, not too much of a fan of hockey.
Though, I truly did enjoy the story. Seems I saw very few mistakes, if any at all, though, it seemed I was a little too engrossed with the story that I really wasn't paying attention to the grammar. Keep up the great work.