Arranged Marriage... WHY?! - Comments

love it!! i cant wait to read more, but for some reason, i cant read chapters 20-24, whenever i press on them, it just goes to the page with the summary and list of chapters on it :

i love it, so good i hope you update soon

The title of your story is mildly juvenile. It sounds more like a brief summary. The topic of arranged marriage on Mibba has been overdone - and rarely done well. Due to this, people tend to have negative preconceived notions regarding them. By immediately presenting the controversial basis of your storyline in the title, you're turning away a lot of potential readers. I suggest you first capture your readers interest, then subtly entwine the concept - thus they can determine whether or not they like the story without the literary pariah of arranged marriages ruining their perception.

You switch between present and past tense. I haven't read much of your story, but I noticed this in the first chapter. Tense is vital, as people will pick up on changes, and thus it causes the flow of the story to become disjointed. You need to work on your grammar. If you're having trouble with this, I suggest finding an online editor. You frequently forget to capitalize the "i" - you say "i'm" instead of "I'm".

This is personal choice, but I belief that switching between character perspectives is a little amateur and pointless. If a character's (one that is not the protagonist) perceptive needs to be expressed, then use dialogue or your protagonists' interpretation of their facial expressions.

Your characters are rather immature. Their dialogue isn't realistic. And having your character yell an acronym, "WTF WHY DO I HAVE TO DO IT!? MAKE LEILA DO IT!!” isn't a good idea.

I'll sum this up, because I wrote a shit load. These are my suggestions;
- Consider a different title, perhaps.
- Work on your tense and grammar.
- Reconsider differing the "POV"s of the story.
- Make your characters more realistic.

More please more I beg of you!!!!

Very good!! I like the story. It's cute. She got spunk!! haha Can't wait to read more. Update soon please!!!

I'm liking the story!! It seems pretty good at the moment. But can you explain more about the war and why it's happening i don't really understand.
I can't wait for the next update!
P.S I will seen you at school Monday :)

I would still like to know why they think she is so dangerous??? Where the hell are the getting this info because it sound more like a power ploy, trying to get rid of the next alpha female so that they can move in on that territory...

please update again soon!!!

Great update its getting really interesting, but war seems a little extreme
What the heck problem could she possibly pose to the other packs
Is it possible they're paranoid about her abilities????

And as for the final year of school i know how you feel ive been back for two days already and they keep telling us 'keep focused cause you only have 176 days left til graduation' so its like 'no pressure, right?'

Update only when you can but another update would be great :D

I'm still really enjoying this story!! it's really cool and i love the characters.
But i can never take Aiden seriously, i know a guy who's name is Aidan as well and he acts exactly like this... He's such a dick and nobody takes him seriously. so i know exactly where Taylah is coming from :P i don't know.
anyways keep it up and update soon.

xxMorgan

i love it

I like it =D update, you must, I'm subscribing. I love wolves, vampires kind of died out for me a little bit

I finally CAUGHT UP!!! GAHH my arranged marriage to Mr. Gaskarth took me away for a bit but now im up to date i cant wait to see what happens next Lottie <3 Can't wait to see what happens bud

YAY!!!
good stuffies

i like it, but it was kinda of quick to see that he would fall in love with her quickly.... but i loved it!!

good stuff!!!!

I like it update soon

woooooo!!!!
billy madison is a funny movie

i like this so much

Love the story. I subscribed already and I can't wait to read more of it. Update soon please!! :D

There you go Morgan :) I UPDATED!!! haha.
I was going to update, then i saw your comment and it made me want to update more :)