November 18th, 2012 at 11:48pm
Hating Yourself - Comments
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The layout kind of hurts my eyes, but toning it down should help. Now the stoy itself is good, but the last few line are missing words, but it can be fixed easy.November 18th, 2012 at 07:37pm
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The layout is a bit much, it kinda whams you and distracts from the writing. I like how you title the chapters, and I like the characters as well. There are a few parts that generally confuse me because they are a bit hypocritical to eachother, but otherwise it's very nice.
Keep on writing~August 10th, 2012 at 01:07am -
I agree with the comments below me. You have good descriptions, but they seem very contradictory, especially the ones in the first paragraph. I like how well developed your characters seem though, and how you added their emotions in nicely.
The layout was a bit harsh on the eyes though; I'm not crazy about the yellow on the black.
Overall though, this seems well thought out. Well done :)August 9th, 2012 at 03:03am -
I got this story in the comment swap.
As mentioned before, there were some miscommunication to the descriptions of the action taking place. I thought the layout was a little harsh on the eyes, but that could be just me. Your characters are very well developed and very descriptive concerning their internal thoughts and emotions. As far as physical descriptions, I kinda like how you kept it ambiguous. It really gives readers the opportunity to put themselves in the characters' places.
All in all, pretty good. -AAugust 4th, 2012 at 04:57am -
You've done pretty well at describing the action taking place, but I noticed some miscommunication to that description. For instance, your first paragraph: "shoving them gently into the bag for her". You can't shove something gently. If you want an angry air around the main character, have her shove the books in. If you want her to be softer, have her slide the books gently. That slide/shove makes a world of difference.
I like that you have some varying characters, but I don't have a very good idea of what all the different characters look like. You should probably work on describing them a bit more. I like their personalities, but I need to know what they're wearing and how they look.
I like how you keep bringing up Marian - it makes her very interesting. I want to know who she is! But you could really add some depth to her by saying what the main character keeps thinking about Marian. For instance, thinking about her hair or her perfume. Something so we start thinking about the character too.
Just a few thoughts. Keep it up!August 3rd, 2012 at 10:20pm -
Wow this is amazing:) I found this through one of the swap features and I am highly impressed! The Genesis character was the one who was ketching my eye most of the book, and for a while I couldn't tell if they were just best friends or ex lovers. Rook me till the fifth chapter to figure that out but I enjoyed it never the less:)Your writing is flawless and you describe things excellent! I loved the layout also and I definitely subscribed!August 3rd, 2012 at 09:21pm
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Wow this is amazing:) I found this through one of the swap features and I am highly impressed! The Genesis character was the one who was ketching my eye most of the book, and for a while I couldn't tell if they were just best friends or ex lovers. Rook me till the fifth chapter to figure that out but I enjoyed it never the less:)Your writing is flawless and you describe things excellent! I loved the layout also and I definitely subscribed!August 3rd, 2012 at 09:21pm
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Well done!!!!!
That was superb <3July 17th, 2012 at 07:19am -
Oh, fuck it! Can't wait 4 da next one.March 23rd, 2012 at 05:16pm
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Am I the only guy reading this?March 23rd, 2012 at 05:11pm
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***UPDATE***
***UPDATE***
***UPDATE***March 23rd, 2012 at 05:02pm -
Just tell me I didn't read it right, you can't have Marian's man die. Bring him back, even though I wanted Genesis to get together with Marian, I like Xavier with her even more. Use your magic and bring him up again please. I cried reading it, damn ;'''''''''''((((((((((((((((((March 23rd, 2012 at 05:00pm
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lol sooo many people LOVE this story! so sad it's almost over=/ but dont stop after this! keep going with this and youll get far!! it can be a short book<3. hell, id buy it XDMarch 23rd, 2012 at 05:20am
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You have to post quickly. I'm really curious about that new guy and what Genesis will do in the end.March 21st, 2012 at 12:44am
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POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POST POSTMarch 21st, 2012 at 12:43am
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You should go out with a bang! i mean youre doing great, not a lot of stories i stay up all night to read but yours is great!March 20th, 2012 at 06:08am
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Also your writing style is getting better and better. :)March 19th, 2012 at 01:39am
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I want a sequel too, my sis wants one too.
So you better be up for it! :)March 19th, 2012 at 01:39am -
YAY for a sequel. :pMarch 19th, 2012 at 01:28am
Since I was thrown into the middle of this without reading the first one I only skimmed through the first chapter. And from what I saw I thought it was good. I couldn't really see any mistakes. You were descriptive. All in all it didn't seem like a bad read if I had known what was going on. Also the layout is creative and flashy. But it is sort of distracting. Maybe if the butterflies didn't move. But I definitely like the font.