I loved taking a look at your story, I love the descriptive action and mental imagery you use. The whole time, I was actually wondering if this was based off of a true story, so is it? If it's not, than you're really good at putting together a story that sounds realistic. I love the parts that seem to just quiet down, like the moments where the main character is laying down with Jake. The only thing I would consider taking a look at is your character's emotions, especially in chapter 3, it tends to jump around just a bit. If you could add a little bit of a smoother transition, it would definitely flow a lot easier. :) Have you tried the story pimping thread? I'm sure you'll find plenty of readers there!