Elsie - Comments

Oh my goodness, this was unsettling in all the right ways. O_o I love the amount of backstory and how it all led up to the climax to tie back to the beginning, and I love how you developed Elsie’s character by describing her relationship with others – after all, the plot has to do with her interactions with other people, and the fact that she gets amnesia after everything makes it even more intense. I’d love to see you continue this someday, but this definitely stands alone as a great horror story! :)

This was really haunting and gorgeously written. Good job. :)

I got here from comment swap.

First of all, I like your layout, it's slightly creepy which is in keeping with the actual story, which is nice.
I love the way you tell this story, its almost simplistic, but still in an interesting way.
I love how you describe things, it's done in a very interesting way. I can't find many mistakes, grammar or spelling wise , so that's a plus!

My oh, my, was this haunting... What I loved the most was the simplicity in the way you explained all that happened, it made the whole story really eerie. The demon possessing a little girl is great, but the last time I saw that, it was Lilith and she killed her grandpa, covered in blood... It was also memorable in the way Elsie did it, with black eyes, humming, and amnesia in the end. I just want to know where she is now!

I like the layout in the way that it gives the gloomy vibe, and it also relates somewhat to the story. How Helen and Eric had died with their car wrapped around a tree, and the little boy who fell off a tree. A little symbols/motifs of blackbirds like ravens or crows woulda been epic. And this was fantastic. Congrats!!!

The comment swap sent me here.. And I loved this story! It was so creepy and one of the most unique stories I've ever read. I liked how all the deaths revolved around the ones who hurt her in some way. Even her parents when they wanted to exorcise her. It was really well written, and I enjoyed it so much (:

So...comment swap!! I thought this was a really cool short story. Of course, it's the sort of thing I'm into, which helps xD I love how the whole thing basically depicts people's deaths until the very end where it explains what's going on. That's pretty awesome if you ask me. So yeah, I really liked it, and I don't have any complaints about grammar or anything, so that's awesome too :)

This was a good read! I liked how she gradually got older and how her parents eventually figured out it was her.

Funny story.. In one of the chapter stories I wrote I had a chapter about one of the antagonists. Her name was Alize. When she was a little girl HER parents died in a car crash on a country road in the winter. They hit a power line. Alize's parents were dead, but her baby sister survived. I just think its cool that the names are similar and the stories also. But they aren't the same. :)

Once again, great story!

i like this story. its edgy and it kept me right into it. i like your storyline as well : )

...Holy crap. This is so creepy. Hahaha. It's so well-written, though. I thought it was super interesting, even though it was absolutely creepy as hell. Hahahaha. Awesome job! :D

I'm here from comment swap, and this is probably one of the most unique stories I've been sent to review. I have to compliment you on the layout. It's creepy (but I am freaked out by birds, so maybe I'm a little biased), and it really fits in with the creepy atmosphere of the story. You did a great job, building up the suspense and making things wore and worse. Anyway, glad you posted this. Creepy, demon possession story. Very well done.

this is really good please continie

I love the eeriness to this story. I couldn't stop reading. I'd love to see it continued with each chapter dedicated to a certain 'accident'. The first chapter touched slightly on each of the deaths, but I'd really like more detail. If it were me, I'd keep the first chapter, then continue the accidents in order with all of the details. Then, leave the ending a cliff hanger so no one knows what happened after the car accident.... until the next book. :) amazing job <3

Wow.
Like seriously. This is... amazing. I'm so glad comment swap brought it to me.
Its deliciously creepy and horrible. Elsie as a character is well portrayed and its clear there's something strange about the girl.
My only criticism is that the text is fairly small, and the layout doesn't seem suited for the dark nature of the content. Your summery could be a little more inciting, i wasn't overly interested until about the 3rd paragraph in.
Overall I'm glad i go to read it, great job :D

Creepy and very clever story, but I wish wasn't a Demon and just Elsie herself doing it.

Ho-ly--
Wow. This is... scary, but incredibly written, and, well, the incredibly written will always win in my book. The line at the beginning, 'Elsie claimed otherwise.' had me wondering and contemplating and other synonyms for thinking, and as I read further it was all constructed perfectly and revealed in a way that just made me sit here and say, 'Wow.' That was the best part of an entirely amazing read.

Creepy, but incredible. Subscribing, definitely :)

I just recommended and subscribed. I don't do this often, but I did. Just the first chapter gave me goosebumps. I've definitely fallen in love with Elsie, I'm so anxious to see how this story is going to unfold. You're an incredible writer. Her lack of emotion during situations such as death kind of remind me of myself. I never portray any emotion...except I don't think I'm possessed by a demon.

Interesting. I haven't really read a story like this. I do say that reading it is like watching a scary movie. I think I only saw like one mistake, so I applaud you on that. If this is going to become a chapter story, then I would gladly continue reading. Your writing is amazing as well.

I could talk forever about your summary. Wow. Wow. I love it when people can sum up a story like that. We not only get a feel for Elsie, but for all of the people around her. It leaves me with so many questions. Why didn't she cry? How did her parents die? What went on? The only thing I don't like about it is that the summary is also the first paragraph of the chapter. You could leave that out entire and the second paragraph could be the first.

And as a side note: Elsie Fitzgerald is an amazing name.

As a one-shot, this is wonderful. The background of Elsie's life flows so smoothly and I could not stop reading. You truly created the most fascinating story.

Well done!

Wow. I only saw one error in the entire piece - in the fourth paragraph, "No one couls say for sure." Other than that the grammar was pretty much perfect.

I also have to say the descriptive way you write is beautiful. It's not overdone, and you're not throwing in adjectives every chance you get.

Overall, this is a lovely Carrie-like story. It's the type of story that could either be a one shot or a chapter story. Very well done.

I LOVED YOUR SUMMARY AT FIRST SIGHT. <3
Okay. It's out there.

Woah. That is intense. This is haunting and a bit creepy. I really hope you continue this. Elsie is quite the character. I think it's quite interesting that she never remembers what happens. Is she aware of the demon? Or is the demon controlling everything? Lots of questions, I have, haha.