May 14th, 2013 at 05:09am
Hmmmm. I want to like this, I really do, but I'm not sure about the lack of explanation about Jimmy's behavior. Mostly because when I read it, the entire elevator scenario seemed really creepy and almost stalkerish, and then he kind of just shows up at her place and the reader doesn't yet know that they're married. I at first thought it was a weird fetish, but then all of a sudden they're just laughing and teasing and she sort of touches upon what happens before but in general I was just left confused. Other than that, grammatically it seemed pretty decent, or at the very least I didn't notice anything that really impeded in the reading.
Also, just a random note (I didn't check the character list until after I read it), how come you have Jimmy listed at a very specific 6'2.5"? I could have word he was like, 6'4". Going back to the rules of the site, considering you have a pretty explicit sex scene in this one-shot, you need to up the rating of this to NC-17.
I'm not sure if I love the one-shot, if only because I think Jimmy is incredibly difficult to write in a 'romantic' sort of way since I see him as more ADHD and energetic, but it's definitely worth the read.
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Moore..? Hehe