December 30th, 2011 at 10:42am
Woo! I got first comment! :3
I have to say, this seems pretty interesting so I'm sticking around to see where it all heads to. The plot seems promising, so I'm hoping that everything goes well?
I do have to point out though, each paragraph is a run-on sentence. You might want to look into fixing that--it makes the story look blocky and takes away from the dialogue of the story. You also repeat a lot of what you're saying and it shows. The writing itself is good you're format needs lots of work though. The story are also seems a bit narrow, or that could just be me.
Either way, I'm excited to see where this leads. :3
area*
sorry about that, my keyboard seems to have a mind of it's own.