Importantly Me - Comments

I loved this. Believe it or not, I have a friend that thinks such negative of himself because he cares what others think about him... And I shit you not, I tell him everyday that he shouldn't care what people say. All it matters is what he thinks of himself. It brought back some memories a bit and I just want to also say thank you for proving my point. Comment swap brought me here and I'm glad it did. I love that this is a one shot. :) great job!

Dribble Me a Drabble Contest: I like the black and white theme you have going on in the layout. Along with the pots and few scattered leaves, it gives a very old fashion look, which I adore. I might try to center the story content, but that aside, the layout’s nice—very simple, thematic, and easy to read.

I like the title a lot; I think it fits really well with the photo and the story of course goes right along. You’re first and last paragraphs are definitely your strongest. The repetition of “I saw” and “I heard” is great parallel structure. It’s short (I didn’t even catch it the first time through), but it definitely helps create your voice and tone. You get off to a great start because of that. The second paragraph sort of put me off. But I guess in a way, that makes your character stronger. I disliked the way age/grade was introduced and how the speaker yells at the reader, but it sort of goes to show how much she really doesn’t care what you think of her; her personality comes off really strongly. So I guess that works in your favor this time. Style also added to the impact of your last paragraph. I like the ellipsis a lot—I think it was excellently placed—and the last line placed in italics served as a reminder that those aren’t really her words; they’re her mother’s. And the fact that her mother has passed makes it all very sentimental and bittersweet. Nicely done.

My only nitpickies are Heaven, Earth, and Hell. They should be capitalized.

Requirements Met: 500 word cap, word count on summary, link to contest in summary/author’s note, photo in layout/author’s note, readable layout, grammar and spelling

Brownie Points: original layout

Layout and Summary :: The layout is really dark. It contrasts with the summary which doesn't seem like it belongs to a dark scene. I do like the color that you chose to use on the title font, you can read it very clearly. I really am fine with all the colors, but like I said previously, them seem too dark.

Story ::
I saw and heard everything they could think of to break me down and make me cry; to make me run to the nearest girls bathroom, sit in the corner, and cry.
Try to rephrase this a bit because it seems repitive.

I'm in high school; right?
I'm in high school, right?

WRONG!
Wrong!

Since then, no matter how I dressed (a blue shirt with a black leather jacket on top, goth pants, and some blue converse all-stars), what color my hair was (it's dyed blue with a black undertone), who my friends are (even if it is only five, they are the greatest of friends a girl could have ever asked for), or what I drive around campus; I didn't (and will continue to never) care about what others thought or even say about me.
Since then, now matter how I dressed--a blue shirt with a black leather jackest on top, goth pants, and some blue converse all-stars--what color my hair was--dyed blue with a black undertone--who my friends are--even if it is only five, they are the greatest friends a girl could have ever asked for--or what I drive around campus. I didn't, and will continue not to, care about what thought or even say about.

I liked this one. Very straight forward and very clear message. Though I think my favorite will continue to be Trinket. Good luck with the contest, again, hon! Hope you do well! :D