Defying Gravity - Comments

So I just stumbled across this and I'm bummed that this story wasn't continued. :( Especially where it left off, it's like, what happens next? :O
Even though it's been a few years, maybe this comment will inspire you to update? Idk. It's worth a shot though. You're an amazing writer, seriously. I really enjoy what you have of this story, and I'm surprised it never got more comments.
I will be here to read if you ever choose to continue. :) I think this story deserves an ending; I will be subscribed. :)

Ok...for starters, im sorry that u got the 'i love your story, but heres why the story sucked and why it needs to change' comment, i got one of those, too. It was the first chapter of the first story i had ever written, not really a comment that makes u want to write more, so please write more, i love this story and am sad that you havent posted more chapters for months

I absolutely love being the first one to discover an amazing story. I have to say, my dear, that yours is that very story. You do an excellent job at really projecting your voice throughout the story. I could probably tell your writing apart from another writer. Though your plot is not that original, you did a great job adding little details and events that set it apart from other stories like your own. Now, we have to get to the not so joyous and fluffy part. The constructive criticism. *Que terrifying horror movie music.* Overall, the story didn't really make me feel like I was right there with Martha and Alex, experiencing what they were experiencing, and feeling what they were feeling. Pretty much the only solution to this problem is better imagery, as in taste, smell, sight, sound, and touch. A lot of the time you lacked a good description of the setting, leaving me slightly confused about the event taking place. Another thing you need to do is go into more detail about the emotion happening. You could use metaphors and things like that, but the key is to make sure that the reader understands what that emotion feels like. Another improvement you could make is, applying more natural sounding dialog. Sometimes the characters' conversations sounded forced and unnatural. Go back through any dialog you wrote and read it back to yourself, asking "Would I actually hear someone say this, or does it sound unrealistic?" You could also stand to work on transitions from paragraph to paragraph. Work on writing better concluding sentences. Look at any published book and read their concluding sentences. Also work on making your words and sentences flow. Most of the time you simply need to omit a sentence or switch it with another sentence. Lastly, remember CUPS (capitalization, usage, punctuation, and spelling.) I noticed a lot of misspelled words, a few commas missing or in the wrong place, and a few words that sounded okay when you read it, but would have sounded a lot better replaced or omitted. Note: when there is a sentence like this ... "I love pie," she exclaimed. A comma always comes before the "she exclaimed" and after the final word in the sentence being said. In this case, an exclaimation point could be used in place of a comma, just like when the sentence being said is a question you could use a question mark in place of the comma. I would google this one since there is so much more to comma usage in dialog. Well, that's pretty much it. I'm sorry that the criticism part was that long. Don't ever think for a minute that you are a horrible writer. You have awesome potential, and with a few little tweaks here and there, you could become an amazing writer. I absolutely live this story and I cannot wait to read more. Love your face <3