Anthelion - Comments

Your writing is so beautiful and poetic, it really is a joy to read. I like how you set off from the first chapter to show exactly how much Claire means to the narrator and you keep that up throughout. It's really interesting to read what seems like borderline obsession. I also like the fact that the narrator doesn't really know what he is or why he is where he is. It adds a little air of mystery to the story and really is a lovely little touch. It's almost as if he didn't exist until he met Claire. I don't know if I'm reading into it too much, but it seems like a literal representation of love. I almost imagine that the narrator is love personified and it really is a lovely thing to think about.

I loved the fact that all of a sudden, Claire could see the narrator. I'm slightly confused as to what is going on as of the last chapter. It definitely raised many questions in my head as to whether the narrator is a part of Claire, or if Claire and the narrator are separate entities. Usually I'd see that as a sign of bad writing but it really isn't here. I don't know why, but the mystery and uncertainty (which could just be my own fault - I'm not the smartest!) really have drawn me in. I'm desperate to find out more, desperate to know exactly what is going on. I really do hope that you choose to continue this because it really is incredible.

I'll be announcing the winners of the contest later on tonight, so good luck!

So, the first chapter is short but full of emotion. Like you can just feel for the narrator and how lonely they are. It's really sad that someone could feel so empty like that.

I'm assuming from the second chapter that the narrator is in fact a ghost and that they are pretty much haunting her room. The way that they're just watching as this girl gets up and is naked and just doesn't notice this other person in her room. Yep definitely a ghost. No wonder they're lonely, they've probably spent years haunting the earth before they found her.

I want to know more about the narrator. I want to know why she can't see them and why they're so incredibly obsessed with this girl. Why are they in her room, why couldn't they move. It's just crazy to think that you could be lying in your room, sleeping ever so peacefully and there could be a ghost lying right next to you and you wouldn't even realize it. It's actually more creepy than it is crazy. I'm so hooked on this, like you're about to get an extremely long comment because I'm not stopping until I finish this.

Holy crap. I can't believe that she can see the narrator now. Like how freaky, I would be terrified if I woke up and suddenly this person was just in my room. Like get the fuck out bro, this is my room you need to go. You need to get as far away from here as possible before I call the police and have them shank you, you crazy motherfucker.

I can't believe she would just pace around the room or even stay in the room while this mofo is just chilling in the closet. It's crazy though 'cause at the same time, I want her to just open the closet and talk to the narrator, just to ask them what they were doing there or why they were there. Mixed feelings are crazy, I always get them when I read stories that are this good too.

This next chapter was pretty short but the fact that she has opened her closet and was now staring at them. Cray Cray, totes cray cray.

Their first interaction is beautifully written. The way he wishes he could see her like he used to, before she could seem. It's really a weird feeling to be so supportive of a creepy person looking in on an oblivious girl but like, I sort of wish she had shown her body because it's what they want. Why are they so surprised that they sound beautiful? Are they hideous? What is it? What is the thing that is in her room, ahhh my questions!

So even the narrator doesn't know what they are. Obviously they look human though because she asked if they were a ghost, so that's a little easier to understand. How did they just come to be just because of this girl? Was it like a sleep type of thing or did they really suddenly exist? How would you know that there was nothing before this girl if you just suddenly existed? So manny questions and it's only the eighth chapter haha.

I love it. how important Claire's name is to it. I'm probably just going to assume that they are in fact a him so yeah. I love how important it is to him. Like if he didn't know her name anymore, like if he forgot it for any reason, he would die. It's amazing because Claire seems to be all this thing knows and without her, they truly have no meaning.

You can tell how innocent he is. How he doesn't know what personal space is or what boundaries are. You can see that she clearly realizes this and is trying to understand him. I personally, wouldn't be so understanding, I don't care if you're Tarzan, don't be in my room and don't be all up in my kool-aid like you're about to be drinking it. *Snapping fingers in Z formation*

He watched her fuck some dude. That's creepy. She couldn't see him when she was focused on that other boy. She probably didn't even think twice about the innocent boy in her closet who knows absolutely nothing of this world. She was with her boyfriend or boy toy and didn't even notice him watching her, probably wondering what he just witnessed. That is so sad and I kind of hate her for it. Is that weird? To hate Claire because she gave in to her desires for someone else other than him. I think it's because if he knew what was going on, he would be hurt. He would know that Claire had other things in her world while he only had her and that would hurt him.

I cannot believe that she fucked someone and they still were able to kiss. I can't help but feel like Claire is simply showing him what she had felt just a few moments or hours ago. Giving him the experience of being with someone so intimately because he doesn't know any better. It's kind of sweet when you think of it that way.

So he needs her in order to exist. That's what this last chapter has made me believe. If he does not have Claire or if Claire one day decides to leave him, he will cease to exist because she is literally her everything. I love this. I love this and I'm going to whore it out because it deserves so much more than what it has gotten and you will be appreciated for your beautiful work of art :)

Wow. Amazing. Incredible.

I could never imagine how writing can be this good. How you've written this narrative and how you portray each and every character was astounding!

It's late at night here, but this definitely woke me up. I couldn't get enough of anything. After I finished a chapter, I went straight on to the next one and I couldn't stop.

However, I was a little confused to who this guy really is. All I know is the name of Claire. It's kind of hard to ask you to elaborate more on who he is when he doesn't know himself at all.

But I loved this, and I'm eager to read the next chapter.

This is superb. I can't wait to read more. You do so much with just a few words and it's amazing.

Oh fuck. Oh wow...
I'm sorry for the quick second comment, but I kept reading and oh man. <3 I'm really impressed.

I feel that a lot of mibba stories have become pretentious and aimless, but yours is nothing like that.
I can feel every word, every narration, symbolism, image, drop or drip through me.
Other comments have been saying they're confused, but oh. I am not confused at all.
The metaphors that are so far beyond metaphors that they become metaphysical are enchanting.
The way the dialogue changes, how the male turns from that transparent being into a person, not necessarily physically, but through they way you change his speaking manner and behavior.
It's like watching two separate elements, the intangible and the real, slowly blend together with so much damn harmony.

Your writing is amazing. c:
You should be soo proud, Kiwi.
I guarantee that one day you're going to look back on this story and wonder how you produced something so incredible.

Your prose is very well-defined.
The chapters all seems to link together like they're suspended in different corners of your mind, but are all related to each other.
Your word-work is beautiful, it is like poetry that allows a concise picture and more room for human-like though.
I think your style and words are gorgeous. Also, the terms you throw in are so fitting and beautiful.
I'm exploring your world, your thoughts, and learning from you.

You updated and it's exciting and your chapters are so short and it's literally killing me inside just a bit. :O

Wait this is really good. Can you write more? Yes? Please? :)

Gahhh, why must i love this so much while at the same time knowing so little. It's getting clearer now.

i guess I love not knowing what's going on, because I check almost every day to see if this has been updated!

I'm so confused, but perhaps that's a good thing for this story.
I'm really excited to see what happens next.

Oh my gosh.
This story is such an inspiration.
I don't even know how to describe it.
Your words are just so amazing.(:
Consider me subscribed.(:

This is different from what I usually read.
You're style of writing is intriguing and unique but I like it.
I can't wait for more.

This is different and weird and like nothing I've ever read. I also don't understand who this watcher person is very confusing yet very unique

I still have no clue what is gone, but the style is intreasting.So I don't know what you want me to say.

I would give you a better comment, but I haven't the slighest idea what is going on. I think somebody is a ghost? I'm not sure.

THIS. Gosh. i loved it.