Inside - Comments

From the comment swap!
I really, really liked this. It's intriguing and almost poetic without being flowery or over the top. It made me think of some sort of inner life force that connects every living being or something similar to that. I hope you write something like this again

this is so good.

Wow. Totally blown away here. The first sentence was my favorite part of the entire story. This was so incredibly lovely, I applaud you.

You have a way with words, I couldn't stop reading! Beautiful piece. (:

My mind is blown sky high, oh yeah, no doubt. It's all the way up in Heaven where this story decided to drop it off, hehe. <3 Your way of looking at the world is amazing and I am so jelly of your skill miss ma'am. In so few amazing words, you had me moved. Both emotionally and physically. While I was sitting here trying not to cry in absolute awe and this odd, nostaligc feeling of happy, I was looking over my shoulder for something lovely and invisible and unknown to me, aha. Your words made me feel so curious and so touched, I just had to unravel the mystery and appreciate the beauty of the loveliness you were describing. You did a really, really good job on this and if you're not proud of it, than miss ma'am, you're cray cray. I have made respect for this stunning piece. It's gorgeous, perfect, flawless - just plain mind stun in so few words. <3 c:

There is a beautiful thing inside all of us, and it flits and it floats and it tumbles ~ wow, what a gorgeous opening line, seriously, it was really beautiful and really captured the mood of the whole drabble and fit really well with the layout. I could point out all the gorgeous lines in this, but I'd just end up quoting the whole thing. The description is so pretty and flawless, and it made me have a little hope in the world and it made me want to read more stuff like this. It was so unique and made me smile and feel hopeful. The ending was kind of bittersweet too, in a way, reminding us that once it's lost you can't have it again. I like how you shaped the ending as well, it was another unique way and was really pretty and just... it all fit together. So pretty :)

That was confusing but in a good way

Wow, this was amazing. It was so beauifully described that I could almost imagine it. I imagined it as this big glowing ball that lives inside of us, really cool. Beautifully written, and no mistakes that I can spot, so good job. =)

This is supossed to leave us guessing what it is, right? Is it love? Or a feelings of hope? Any story that makes you think like this is great. And I agree that it would be best as a one-shot. Anyways, this is really awesome. =)

First things first, I love the summary and layout for this.

There's a little more space at the top than at the bottom with the layout, but that wasn't a big deal. The picture fits with the summary, and the two short lines on the summary page are beautiful. If you wanted to give people more of a clue about what's in store, you could give a brief synopsis of the story underneath those lines in italics, but that's up to you. Maybe, because the content is so short, you don't really need to.

I also loved your opening line:

There is a beautiful thing inside all of us, and it flits and it floats and it tumbles, and it aspires to be everything that we are, or that we were, or that we will be one day.

Honestly, I think that belongs on its own. I particularly liked the alliteration in 'flits' and 'floats'. I'm a big fan of alliteration in my own sentences, and I enjoy seeing it used by others. Good writing should be like poetry, in my opinion.

Although I like the rest of what you've written in the first paragraph, I also really feel like that paragraph could be broken up. It contains a few distinct, if similar points, and it's kind of a huge wall to present right at the start. Maybe try breaking for a new paragraph beginning with, 'We cannot see it in ourselves'?

Finally, I enjoyed what you did with the words falling off the end of the last paragraph. If you wanted to make this even more pronounced, you could put blank lines between the last words in that cascade, so that they fade out as well as fall.

Anyway, this was neat. Well done!

It was beautiful! It seems like one of those things that just randomly comes to you and you just have to write about it. I loved the first line the most, I just loved the whole thing! It's also very curious because it has to do with nothing but everything. I'm pretty sure you could tie it to anything!

:)

I love it :D :D
It makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy inside therefore I shall subscribe whether you wish me to or not. ^^

I love this! It's
b e a u t i f u l
and I actually mean that.

You have apparently described something indescribable and invisible and this was just wonderful. Sew it on a pillow.

This is not to be continued, do no subscribe.
I'm subscribing out of spite.

I love it. c: