He Soared, I Maybe, Possibly Flew - Comments

A little more info in the summary would be great. I didn't really have a clue what I was getting into from that summary xD

Interesting theme and I like the idea of soaring and flying. I definitely think you could incorporate that idea into the earlier part of your story. Maybe talk about how he always seemed to fly above everyone else. Or if he had a tattoo of wings on him. Something to get us already thinking about flying and soaring

One problem I had with this story was the constant "He..." or "I..." at the beginning of each sentence. You might want to try adjusting your sentences and changing them up a little so it's not so cut and dry. You have a few fragmented sentences in there (which I know is what you're going for) but you should probably find a way to fragment the story without using incorrect grammar.

Also give me other senses in this story, besides just the visual - though you did the visual sense perfectly. I wanna be able to hear the city and smell the city, rather than just see it.

Great job so far. Keep up the good work ^_^

I have friends who've been through alot of the things you've written about here and they've said the exact same things as some of the stuff I've just read. I enjoyed reading this, it's not "fucked up" or "dodgy", it's real. thanks for writing it...

Comment Swap) the summary is too short, wish it was longer.
(Chapter 1)
"There’s slightest chance" is "There’s a slightest chance"? either way, it needs ome tweaking.
You got the vocabulary just right, at least in my eyas.
The words flow, just like he soared.
I'd lie if I claim to like the subject, but I did enjoy the store, nonetheless. Can't say it felt like glorifying, just a view from this 1 girl. sometimes it happen, right under your very nose.
From the title of the chapter, no further chapters?
I'm not sure I'm happy with it, but if there is nothing more to say, the story is finished, after all.
Sometimes you just have to follow where inspiration take you.

Hey there. Returning some love.

So, I loved this. A lot. It is really well written and it conveys a lot of emotion in a short space of time. I think you should write like this all the time. It's intense. Obviously other people agree with me. You're a really good writer!

Whoa this is.....well I dont know what to call it but I like it. You should write more of this .

Whoa this is.....well I dont know what to call it but I like it. You should write more of this .

I really like this...
c:
It's kinda fucked up...
But that's what i like i guess... <3

I loved this. It was heartbreakingly beautiful. ♥ I really don't know what to say. It was just amazing.