My Arranged Marriage to Alex Gaskarth - Comments

This comment will more than likely never be seen, and it's kind of pointless since the writing account was deactivated, but, I just wanted to leave a comment anyway...
This story was seriously so good! I really loved it, and I'm sad that it left off the way it did, without a sequel, without things being kind of concluded even with more of an epilogue... idk. I guess I just wanted to leave this comment in case you ever still get on here and see them somehow. It's a lost cause asking for a continuation but I just thought I would leave a comment anyway.
You're a great writer. If you do by some miracle see this comment, I just wanted to let you know that. Great job with this story. It was really cute, but as it got to the end it was heart-breaking. But still a really great story.

Please, please, please can you start the sequel?! I love this story so frickin' much and I want it all to get fixed :( please? :)

when are you posting a sequel?

dude you like seriously have to update this come on pleaaseee

please update soon :)

This comment is based on the first chapter of your story.

This is constructive criticism. If you’re thin-skinned, I suggest you stop reading now.

I would like to begin with the title, “My Arranged Marriage to Alex Gaskarth”. You’ve basically just revealed your plot in the title – that in itself makes reading the story rather pointless to me. Also, stories concerning arranged marriages on this website are generally regarded with mocking scepticism by anyone whose intellect isn’t run by their hormones, thus by making this your title, you’re only attracting readers whose comments will never be more substantial than, “Ohmigod this story is awesomeee” – Which will probably do wonders for your confidence, but will never allow you to progress as a writer. If you were to change the title, you’d be able to entice readers of a different wavelength, and suck them into your story with kickass writing abilities before dropping the “arranged marriage” bombshell.

Another issue is your sentence structure. FULL-STOPS! You’re not using them when you should, and it’s making massively long sentences that lack any flow whatsoever. For example, the line, “Eden tossed her natural red hair away from her face, her hair was her favourite feature it was a startling red like it wasn’t orange which is more commonly seen, no it was almost scarlet, which complimented her brown eyes and tan skin, now by this description you’d probably think that she was stunning which actually wasn’t really true she was rather...plain to be honest she definitely wasn’t a beauty.” Should be, “Eden tossed her natural red hair away from her face. Her hair was her favourite feature. It was a startling red, not at all orange, which is more commonly seen. No, it was almost scarlet, which complimented her brown eyes and tan skin. One would probably think she was stunning by this description, but she was rather plain. She definitely wasn’t a beauty.”

You also need to watch your expression, “…They had been adamant for her not to return and finish her studies” You just stated that her parents didn’t want her to return to France! The line should be, “…They had been adamant that she finish her studies, and thus not return”. Your expression is lacking in many areas. You really need to read over your work, or find someone to proof read it for you.

I’m going to run out of space soon, so more issues include:
- Language.
- Plot: You introduce the arranged marriage in the first chapter! Also, the airport scene, I found, was much too drawn out.
- You’re too preoccupied with what is happening, and explain situations more than you incorporate the emotional response of your protagonist.
- Structure. Why is all of your dialogue clumped into a paragraph and separated from the other paragraphs?

What I liked:
- Context: You’ve really set the scene, and made this aspect of your story believable.
- I liked your use of foreshadowing while she was playing with the ring, when she noted that it looked a lot like an engagement ring, however you spoil this by immediately with your revealing title and your immediate introduction of the marriage in the first chapter.

OH MAH GAWD GURRL
I don't even know, I'm feeling sassy today.
MINA. FUCK THE PROMISE. TELL ZACK. JESUS CHRIST.
ZACK. STOP BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE. YOU LOVE MINA. MINA LOVES YOU. SHE NO CHEATY. GET MARRIED. HOLY SHIT.
EDEN. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? YOU NEED TO FUCKING REALIZE THAT LISA'S A LYING BITCH AND YOU NEED TO COME BACK AND BE WITH ALEX AND JUST WHAT THE FUCK?!
UGH.
I need to stop ranting.
OH MAH GAWD GURRL
SASS IS BACK
SEEEEEEEEGUUEEEEEEEEELLLL
OMGGGGGG
I so excited.
We gon partay.
Happy dancin' oh yeah.
Jesus Christ, long comment, woah.
Ok, I need to stop.
Update soon, Miss Thang!

This was really good! can't wait until the sequel is started!!

OH MY GOD! you are doing a sequel? I'm excited. Things need to be fixed!!!

oh my god, I loved this!! Sorry I couldn't comment on the last two chapters, I was without internet:p But anyways, I'm so excited for the sequel now!! Post it soon, please??

love the update ahhh cannot wait for the sequel

That definately was Eden's fault, why Zack broke up with Mina, she should've used a girls name!
But I want Alex and Eden back together, so on with the sequel!!

sequal needed NOW!!

I WANT THE SEQUAL NOW, OMG. I CAN'T WAIT PLEASE LET MINA AND ZACK GET BACK TOGETHER AND ALEX AND EDEN OMG, I'M CRYING! :(:(

I WANT THE SEQUAL NOW, OMG. I CAN'T WAIT PLEASE LET MINE AND ZACK GET BACK TOGETHER AND ALEX AND EDEN OMG, I'M CRYING! :(:(

woooo i cant wait for the sequel :)

Oh my god this story is awesome and I wish the sequel was already done so I can just read what's going to happen already!

soo good! i can't wait for the sequel! zack & mina & alex & eden need to be together !!!

I kinda felt that Mina and Zack were going to break up because of Eden. I think it's dumb for both Eden and Mina to runaway of their problems because you just can't runaway from them because your problems are going to catch up to you sooner or later. Of coure Lottie is going to know that Mina and probably Eden is in England and wouldn't say anything.

Ahhhh SEQUEL Yay