You have some issues with punctuation, especially with dialogue, and you clump together a lot of your dialogue. You should start a new paragraph every time someone different speaks.
I like how you used the picture, and I like the content of this. I didn't really like the ending though, because it just seemed too perfect and kind of blah.
I like how you used the picture, and I like the content of this. I didn't really like the ending though, because it just seemed too perfect and kind of blah.