Can't Hold Back - Comments

please

can you explain why she is more despicable in chapter two

I must say, the story is actually quite interesting even though its subject matter is one of the most cliche romance stories out there. I can sorta see where this is going, but then again, I sorta can't-- which is a good thing. It means there are definite elements of surprise.

Just a note of constructive criticism: the author of the second chapter is a little weaker than the first. I think the main problem is presentation. There are a quite a few typos, and it's hard to tell the difference between dialogue and texts, even though you've listed what it was. I think you should exaggerate the difference a little more, perhaps make the texts in bold or in italics. These problems can be easily fixed though; fundamentally, you're still pretty good.

I do think the personality of the main character is presented differently in the two chapters. In chapter 1, she seems to be in denial, but in chapter 2, she's just plain twisted (I found her much more despicable in chapter 2). This may be your intent, but I thought I'd point it out. You might have problems in the future with it, I dunno.

Anyway, I think it's a little early in the story to say whether or not you guys "should continue." I would wait until you introduce the character of Owen formally (I'm kinda excited to meet him) and start some "confrontation" chapters, before you judge how worthwhile the continuation of this book is. So until then, keep writing!