The Immortal Moment - Comments

I like this :)
It's good.

Hi there,
I'm Belle and I found this story when you mentioned it in Teethmarks.
I'm really interested to see what happens next.
Payton seems like a really interesting character.
I spot one mistake, near the end though.

"He doesn't work? He could you afford the move?"

I'm not sure what you were trying to say, maybe "How could you afford the move?"

Can't wait to read you next update! You have a new subscriber. :D

hey, this is totally cool! Thanks so much for leaving a comment on my journal! I'm really glad you commented :) I really like your details and I really liked her name. Aline? It's very pretty! I'm subscribing :D

I liked this so much. All the characters were perfect, and I loved the way you described them. Payton's very, very interesting - obviously with the whole look at me not touching the doorknob thing, but also the fact that he's going to come into 6 million dollars when he turns 18!
I absolutely cannot wait for more. The layout was gorgeous, as were the page breakers. I love it.
I did find one mistake though: You certainly don't half too but-" half should be have :)

Alex is awesome and he sounds adorable. :3

You missed a few commas here and there, and you spelled committee wrong, but other than that it was perfect.

The chapter ended so eerily. I want to know why - how - Payton walked inside without touching the door knob. Lol

This story sounds really good so far , even though i have no idea what its about but , i am excited to read more and cant wait till the next chapter is up . :D

I very much enjoyed this, and not just because my character was in it! You do a good job of painting an interesting setting, and the dialogue between your characters is very realistic. You've got my subscription!