Barbed Wire Mansion - Comments

After SO LONG of no posting... I've decided to offer you all the first and second chapters (edited / extended) for FREE!
Click this link to go to the page containing part one!

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/288392

Of course not! I'll still post on Mibba, I just wont do it ALL the time (as much as I upload now)
I prefer to use Wattpad, this website is kinda annoying and hard to use

Wait does this mean you won't be posting on Mibba anymore?

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/234007

CLICK THE LINK TO ACCESS THE FULL VERSION!

Thanx @Saul Hudson !
I agree, I need to fix alot and this is the edited version XD

Hey there I got your story for a comment swap a while ago and haven't had time to comment.

I noticed right off the bat that the layout is really plain (or I'm not seeing it correctly) but either way I think you should fix it up and just add a nice background and some neutral colors.

Your summary is really short and on top of that it's got a bunch of grammatical errors in it.
[quote=Barbed Wire Mansion]Hilflos doesn't know how much more he can take, His masters body drives him up the wall, his friend is a crazy fangirl and the only non-Veimen male friends in his life are constantly trying to be more than just friends...Should be.

[quote=Edited]Hilflos doesn't know how much more he can take; his masters body drives him up the wall, his friend is a crazy fan girl and the only non-Veimen male friends in his life are constantly trying to be more than just friends.Also I feel as though it's quite short, maybe give a little more detail to Hiflos, background information or whatever really because it is really short and I feel like it doesn't really grasp attention for more then a minute or two. If you having problems with summaries I'd check out this article.

Then your chapter, right off the bat I noticed that it wasn't spaced properly, it should be spaced like this post, with a full line of no text between paragraphs just as it's extremely hard on some peoples eyes (like myself) and a little unattractive.

I thought that your story was really well written I noticed one little mistake.
[quote=sentence]
I don’t know why but it exited me to see him, my body feeling weak as it trembled. My parts grew hard and I tried to cover myself in embarrassment.Your spelling of excited was wrong, but that's a snap to fix :) other then that I though it was really well written, the descriptions were great and I adore your writing style, and I think you do a fantastic job of showing not telling.

what happen to the other parttttttt where bunny and 'master' are at the (kingdom?) with his brother and his consort? i cant seem to re-read it and im sad now

Can wait for updateeeeeeeeeee

@ Gyn
Me? .-.

@ casserby-x
I tried to make it a bit better, (less sex - more about Hilflos) as you suggested, keep in mind guys that I'm making this all up off the top of my head, there is no set plan for this book - nor will there ever be anything of the sort but I hope you all toss out as many tips and or bits of advice as possible as they are MASSIVLEY apreciated!

@ FunnSizeeJazzi
I will be posting a story I wrote (especially for you Jazz) very soon!
Its called "In A China Shop" and it is a side story to S.L.A.V.E (Barbwire Mansion Book One - this book)
Three guesses as to what its about!!!

Excellent! I love it. I can't wait to read more :)

Their a gang (not all werewolves are baddies!!!) Called the HellHounds- WHAT AM I DOING!?
I can't tell you anymore!!!

HOLY SHITBALZ!!
HOW COULD YOU?!?!?
MY OWN KIND?! Dx
WHAT PACK IS THIS?!
.....
TELL ME NOW SO I CAN KEEL THEM! D:<<

Thanx Casserby-x I'll keep that in mind while I'm working on the next chapters!

There are a few spelling and grammatical errors. Other than that this is beautifully written. The plot is definitely interesting and I really enjoyed reading it. I hope you update soon. The story is so unique and strange and I couldn't stop reading it. I enjoy the characters.
However I wish there was more into getting to know the main character and there wasn't so many sex scenes. That's my only problem with this story. I'd really like to get to know 'Bunny' more and not just how far his lust for his Master goes. A background story, his feelings, thoughts, etc. etc.
Overall, it's an excellent story and I can't wait to read more. :)

thanx SuperNovaEclipse!
I will only be publishing a bit of this story because I'm working on getting it published!

i just love this story. its an all time favorite

Thanx!
Its not edited, so sorry about the mistakes!

This is such a strange story! But, I love it! It's very weird and original. I've never read a story quite like it. That first chapter was... intense. Like, holy crap. The emotions were everywhere. I loved the darkness behind it all. The teasing was perfect. I am impressed by your wording and all. There are a few grammatical errors, but they aren't that noticeable. Overall, it was an interesting read!

Hiflos.... boy.... you do have stamina xD

Ice cubes?!
Really?!

Ooh kinky... c;

LOVED IT AS USUAL :DDDD

I DESERVE ANOTHER CHAPTER FOR WAITING SO LONG! >:|