Hello, remember me? :D Yeah, you gave me this oneshot in the comment for my journal so I read it and I don't know if I got my power back (stop saying that!) but I really want to comment this.
Firstly the layout is a nice pick, suits the story well. It's the premade one, right? Oo Forgive me if I'm wrong. ==,
The story had an interesting plot. I like how you keep it simple and short but at the same time I also find it disturbing. No, there's nothing too wrong about it, but in my opinion if you elaborate the story more, put much more description and feelings, I think I'd enjoy it more. Like how you let it hanging in the end.. In my mind, she must be in trouble because she talked back to them, right?
As for mistakes, I only found one: After my friend finally got out of it, I looked at them in disgust, and shaked my head. Past tense of shake is shook. :)
Anyway, thanks for recommending this story, I like it! Keep writing dear :D
Firstly the layout is a nice pick, suits the story well. It's the premade one, right? Oo Forgive me if I'm wrong. ==,
The story had an interesting plot. I like how you keep it simple and short but at the same time I also find it disturbing. No, there's nothing too wrong about it, but in my opinion if you elaborate the story more, put much more description and feelings, I think I'd enjoy it more. Like how you let it hanging in the end.. In my mind, she must be in trouble because she talked back to them, right?
As for mistakes, I only found one: After my friend finally got out of it, I looked at them in disgust, and shaked my head. Past tense of shake is shook. :)
Anyway, thanks for recommending this story, I like it! Keep writing dear :D