Therapy - Comments

I am so sorry this took so long for me to comment on, but this is for the Prewrites Contest.

What a great oneshot!! I have a very short attention span and struggle to read more than 1000 words, but this is really great in that I was hooked straight away, no boring fluff in the beginning. Also, I loved the dialogue, especially between him and his father. Despite its boldness it was still believable. Two things which nagged at me a little:

1. Quite frequently there are grammar errors where you change tenses in a sentence. It doesn’t make it entirely incorrect, but it doesn’t help the flow either. Example:

‘his eyes harden as I ran my tongue along the inside’ --> ran and harden are not the same kind of past tense.

It would sound better as either: ‘his eyes hardened as I ran my tongue along the inside’ or ‘his eyes harden as I run my tongue along the inside’

2. His change in character seems a little sudden and out of the blue, and although you justify it in the paragraph that starts ‘I resumed walking’ it could be developed a little bit more

Apart from that, I absolutely loved this piece and really enjoyed reading it. Thanks :)

LOVE IT!!!

I liked the beginning of the story but near the end it got kind of hectic in my opinion. Dakota seemed so calm without a care in the world and defiant of his parents. He didn’t seem to care about what his father thought, but suddenly his dad says one thing and Dakota falls into suicidal downward spiral. And that part just seemed kind of sudden.
Anyway check the contest thread on April 29th to see if you’ve won.

Omg. This was good, but terrible.
Like, I love this story, but it's just so sad. And that's why I love it.
The emotions are great.

so sad update dont fix me soon

Aww, this is terrible! I mean the writing is great and the emotions displayed in it are awesome! It made me sad though :(

So I'm reading Don't Fix Me and I had no clue that this was written.... I went onto the story to see if I had missed an update or something (I didn't and it made me sad :[) but than I saw this and so I clicked it... This is really sad, but it is so well written. It helps people understand what really happened with Dakota though.... I know this comment is like more than a month later than the rest but what ever... Update Dont Fix Me soon? Please? Its my favorite story to read and I can relate to it....

RIP MY FUCKING HEART OUT WHY DON'T YOU.

I liked it.. I feel bad for him though :/

This was sad. I almost cried. So glad you wrote this.

Oh my... I just about cried... Prolly would have if I hadn't been in class! lol Love it!!! :D

*gasp!! The cause of his death was his dad! Okay I guess till the part where he said 'heartless child' was okay but then when he started to talk about Sid, he just crossed the line!! He died (killed himself) because of his own father, this is just sad, I would really want a father like that to find out he has caused his own sons DEATH!! I would say he's a heartless father!! :'( this was great, made me sad :''''( but it gave me the reason to his death..... I really liked this.
Can't wait for more updates on 'Don't Fix Me'!! Update that soon pls!

*has

Omg...ive never cried reading any story or book. But dakotas story (this one and in dont fix me) omg...i started crying D': its so sad he bas such a sad story!! I wish he could have not died D: he really cares about sid
but i agree!! You really are an amazing writter! :D
I await more from dont fix me(:

This is- It's so- I just, I just love it. Bleh words can't describe how good of a writer you are! I love your stories, can't wait for more updates for Don't Fix Me. ;3
XD Dakota's sideways picture
Thank you! <3