The Truth Does Not Exist - Comments

I like it, which is unusual for me to like something. There are no mistakes I saw, the writing style is good, in the fourth chapter or fifth entry I played the song as I read, that made the chapter so much more cool. It gave it a certain mood. So really good job, very good job.

Dear author, first of all I liked the title. It fits perfectly as the titles of the chapter fit the chapters. You have a unique ability at writing drama, you are great at it. This is very well written and for a bookworm like me it was a good read. The summary pulled me in right away and I liked how you ended the prologue. At ch. 1, I liked the part where it said, Why was it Ryan? Why wasn't it you? and before that when Jace didn't know which scent was worse. At ch. 2, how the girl felt when her lies evoked more emotions from people than the truth. As for ch. 3, how you wrote about curiosity and Jace wanting to know why his bro killed himself as well as the talk he had with Mac and how the chapter ended. Finally, at ch. 3 the journal entries made the story more realistic. I liked the whole thing but those parts pulled me in completely. Plus your way of writing makes it easier to relate to. I give you ten out of ten pens for what you have posted till now. ~Marian.

Dear author, first of all I liked the title. It fits perfectly as the titles of the chapter fit the chapters. You have a unique ability at writing drama, you are great at it. This is very well written and for a bookworm like me it was a good read. The summary pulled me in right away and I liked how you ended the prologue. At ch. 1, I liked the part where it said, Why was it Ryan? Why wasn't it you? and before that when Jace didn't know which scent was worse. At ch. 2, how the girl felt when her lies evoked more emotions from people than the truth. As for ch. 3, how you wrote about curiosity and Jace wanting to know why his bro killed himself as well as the talk he had with Mac and how the chapter ended. Finally, at ch. 3 the journal entries made the story more realistic. I liked the whole thing but those parts pulled me in completely. Plus your way of writing makes it easier to relate to. I give you ten out of ten pens for what you have posted till now. ~Marian.

Hello from comment swap

I enjoyed this very much, although there were few things that should be pointed out... good and bad.

The first thing is your title... my goodness the moment I read it it got me thinking about so many things. As I always say, you can't judge a book by its cover, but you can judge it by its title. I also felt that your summary was beautiful. Quick and too the point, although I think it should be more together (format wise) so don't have the rest of the summary all the way at the bottom.

Your story is very well written, but I do wish you could kind of take out the swearing. (I am a big reader, a book worm I suppose) If you use a powerful enough word, that swearword can be portrayed in the other word that you used, e.g screwup.

I think your dialogue could use some work, there needs to be more descriptions and more feel to the story. here is a link to help you. http://www.mibba.com/Forums/Topic/17965/Rules-For-Dialogue/

that's all I have for now, keep it up, it is a work of art waiting to exist in that world where the truth does not exist! Good luck!

-Comment Swap- I enjoyed reading jace's perspective a lot because I could understand how much he felt being the one the parents didn't love the most and how much anger he felt at the funeral. I didn't see any typo errors but I'm practically blind to errors so I'm useless at this xD but I liked the story very much and shall be reading more of it :) Goodluck and keep writing! :)

(Comment Swap) I actually like this story. The first chapter with the funeral didn't really do anything for me, but once it was in Alliana's perspective, I got a lot more interested. I also really like the layout. And Mac makes me smile. I'm interested to read more with him in it (:

SO! I love this layout, first off. And you got me captured from the very beginning of this story. I noticed you have a lot of passive action. For example, "Ryan Collins had had everything going for him." It could have just been one had, it could have been a typo, but yeah. Everything looked good, it was just really good. I want to offer criticism, but it's just really good.

I like Jace a lot, just from the second chapter. He's so interesting. I love how he loved his brother despite the shadow and I love his anger at the world. Alliana is cool too, I can't wait to see more of both.

I like Mac too. I like them all. I can't wait to see how this goes, I can't even express it. The whole idea is just amazing! The end of the world, in a different take! Please keep writing<3 I want to know what happens to Ryan.

Oh my, what a gorgeously tragic beginning to this story! I’ve never read anything like this before, since a lot of these romance-y type stories comes off as silly and stupid and honestly, you can rarely find any good ones these days on Mibba. But I’m really, really glad that the comment swap feature matched me up with this; this story already comes off as captivating and amazing and I’m extremely excited to begun reading this further. :D

I really, really like Jace’s chapter, despite the mention of funerals. The way you describe Ryan as this golden child makes me so sad for Jace, how he had to be in his little brother’s shadow until he died. That’s so tragic and sad. I also like the commentary about the funeral, about how horrid events like this often bring people together, as sad as it is. I also really like Jace as a character, how he really keeps his feelings inside and the frustration that he has against his distant relatives, which I honestly don’t blame him for. That’s so lame of them to just waltz in and pretend that everything is okay, even though that one of their family members just killed himself.

I’m curious about finding out about Alliana and why she’s labeled as a liar, despite the fact that she hasn’t been introduced to us yet. I’m hoping that we’ll find out more about her soon!

Overall, you have a wonderful story going on here and I’ll definitely be coming back to read more when I can. Great, great job! <3

I really love the names Jace and Alliana. You seem to be starting off great here and I really enjoyed what I read. You've got a great style of writing where it's natural and seems to be read easily. I don't really know how I feel about Jace. But Alliana definitely seems like someone I can relate to. Great start.

"It’s funny how just before everything’s about to end, everything comes to life."
TRUTH RIGHT THERE.
So I really like the way you write. Not obnoxiously descriptive, but not all bleh and plain, which is always just mehh.
Jace. I really like that name. It's the perfect name for his character.
Everything you said about funerals, it's true. So, so true. I'm sorry if you've ever lost someone. You captured the feeling perfectly, and all of the stupid comments, oh lawdy, you got them so right.
"Jace was the one with the too-crooked nose from fighting in too many fights" Fighting in too many fights sounds a tad awkward. But that whole paragraph about him, I related and wanted to just hug Jace (though he probably wouldn't like that)
;________; Ryan. I just. dkfljs;a. Cannot articulate. The way you described him, as the golden child, made me picture the perfect boy, and then he kills himself and it's just so sad.
Poor Jace. :( He skips his own brother's funeral! Kinda jerky, but if it would've saved him from a fight that's good.
Hm. This Alliana chick, I'm not sure about her. A liar, but it seems like she just needs attention.
Overall, this was pretty good. I like that you were really specific with Alabama.
I'm actually going to subscribe to this XD Good, very good.

I've never read anything about the end of the world. This is actually pretty cool! I like that it isn't a romance. That would be a waste in my opinion. Did she leave because her parents told her she was adopted? I have to know why she was so mad that she left!

I liked Jace's chapter too. The way you described being at a funeral was perfect. I've been to too many and that is exactly how I feel. Dang second cousin remvoed twice! How dare they come to a funeral. haha.

Anyway, this is really well written and I love it. I'm not a big fan of yellow but it doesn't bother me so much that I'll just complain and complain about. I have no criticism to give, my dear. This is something you should continue to write!

You should really really REALLY continue this

Since I am getting what i give you, I shall do my best on this comment and I hope you do the same for me. Well now, let's begin:

Title/Summary/Layout: I like the title, makes me curious about what the story could possibly be about. I figure a teenager trying to make his/her place in their own worlds. When I came to the summary page, I see that it's something like what I thought, but more elaborate in a sense of two people wanting to know the answers to something. I think the layout is quite nice too, the cool remind me of a summer sunset on the beach, beautiful.

Prologue: I found the opening paragraph to be smooth and a good hook for the story. When you write that the "world is on fire" all I'm thinking is, why? is it war? is an apocalypse? A very good attention getter and it's not over-powering, like I said it's smooth.

I really, really like that last line. It was a very powerful statement that kinda sinks in deep, making the reader think. In general you have a good opening prologue. It's short, smooth, and sweet. Giving the reader just enough to make them want to go further.

Chapter One: Alright, now for the first real chapter. First, i must admit I like the darkness of the chapter title. From reading the first few lines of the first paragraph I can tell that you have no issues with imagery at all, which is phenomenal! I think what many aspiring writers forget sometimes is that they need to paint the image for the reader and you did that perfectly with the first paragraph.

I like how you put the emotion in when Jace was thinking of the funeral. And I liked the commentary on it, when I've gone to funerals people always make comments like what you had and "we should have come together more often, it's sad how this is what brought us all together" i think you truly nailed this part.

I can see the turmoil Jace has, the anger of his brother killing himself, but yet the pain of him leaving him. A wonderfully described emotion for someone who has lost someone to a suicide.

Overall you have a good story going here with the emotion and imagery, that really ties the story up well. You are a very good writer with nice attention to detail and that's what it is all about. Keep doing your thing.

-Nova

The title: Hehe, I like it... But there really is no reason. Just a part of me really likes it for some reason x3
The layout: So, I like it, and I'm probably going to sound really picky for saying this... But it kind of bugs me that the banner picture is so small, compared to how big the whole story area is. But, I mean, it isn't that big of a deal..
The summary: Just reading the first two sentences, it makes me dislike Alliana... It obviously grabbed my attention, haha. It is short, but not too short; and it definitely gives me just enough information to want to read this.
The story: I would do this chapter by chapter for all three, but it's kind of hard to keep all of my thoughts separated when reading them all in order and then commenting on it. Sorry if I sound crazy, haha. So... I feel really bad because I know my comment isn't going to be as long as the one you gave me, but it really is because I didn't see anything wrong with your writing. There weren't any spelling or grammar errors, so that's good...
Overall, great story and I can't wait to see where you take it c:

Thanks for suggesting this to me!
I LOVE it!
Its so descriptive. <3

Two things; I really like the layout and Jace is one of my favorite names so brownies points right off the bat. I like how original this idea seems, I've never read anything quite like this and the prologue is absolutely breathtaking. I'd really like to see more of this and learn more about Jace. He's really angry and that gives him a realistic characteristic to him which I've been having trouble finding in stories lately. This is wonderful so far and I'm definitely subbing. (:

Like Enlightened Change said, Incognito Jane pretty much summed up everything I wanted to say.

I really like the layout. It's pretty, but not distracting. Because sometimes I feel, if they layout is too showy, I find that that's all I'm paying attention too. So this one, I like. But besides aesthetics, I really like this so far. Apocalyptic-type stories are really my thing, so I'm really glad you suggested this to me. Your writing is very nice, overall. It's beautiful and very easy to follow. You've left me definitely wanting to read more. So, I will be subscribing and I hope you update soon!

But, besides all the great stuff, the only problem I've really noticed so far is in the line, "
But the worst by far came from a friend of a family friend no one in the family had seen before." It just tripped me up while reading, is all. I think it's all the 'f' words so close together and there perhaps could've been a comma in there to break it up somehow. But, whether you change that or not, is really up to you; it's merely a suggestion.

But anyway, keep up with this! I'm off to subscribe now! :)

Beautiful. I love it, I was immediately connected to the story because it was so well written and obviously thought out beforehand. Incognito Jane basically said everything I was planning on saying (now I feel really unoriginal). The layout is wonderful, so nothing wrong there. Your character is already growing and he has his own voice that just shines through the story.

All I can really say is keep it up! I'm going to go subscribe now. :)

Most reviews seem to start with the simple things, so that's how I'll start. First off, the layout. The yellow blends extremely well with the brown background color, and that banner is just gorgeous. Everything flows very well together, and it isn't a pain to read the story. The summary is also amazing. It captures your attention, and it lets you know what the story is about, but briefly. Just enough to hook you in.

Prologue
Opening line = fantastic. It's blunt, it's obvious, and it makes you question why. Perfect way to start. I love the first paragraph and the way all the sentence lengths are varied considerably-I'm very picky about this. Your attention to detail is wonderful. You describe just enough to set the mood and feel of the story. That's also a perfect way to end the prologue. It really makes you eager to read the next part, and it's just a very well-stated line in general.

Chapter 1
Once again, great way to start off the chapter. I love your description of the flowers, the "sickly sweet smell," and for some reason it just fits perfectly. It lets you know so many things about the character at once. I would have, personally, changed "unavoidable" or "unbearable". It's a bit odd to read these two 'un' words right near each other, but that's probably just my own opinion.

All in all, I don't see anything I don't like about your story. Your word choice is flawless, and you're able to set the mood and tone just right. It really makes you feel as if you're in the character's head. You've done a magnificent job of characterization in just this chapter. I love how the characters think about thinks, and the thought process seems to flow very well. I also like this Robby guy. He really seems like that person always coming around saying how tall you were last time they saw you. It fits in the story great.