Sunday Morning - Comments

I love everything about this story write more please I'm hooked :D

I'm really enjoying this story, from the character you've created in Mr. Winters to the interview-style narration. The only thing I wish is that there was more details in the scenarios Mr. Winters describes. The narrative time flies by so fast as you have the story written now, and I think it would be more enjoyable to read (and probably more enjoyable for you to write!) if you slowed down and gave more details about each scene. Mr. Winters seems like a bit of a quirky guy, and I image the details he'd relay about a scene would match that awesome personality you've created.

Can't wait for the next update!

I seriously love this story.
Especially the style it's written in. It's not exactly original, but it's somehow unique and I love it.
I can't wait to see where this goes :D

Wow. This story is so interesting. (And I was your first subscriber :) but I was reading your story on my phone a while ago and didn't have time to comment and then I forgot about your story, I'm sorry.)
I love his thinking process. He's so analytical and logical. He thinks things through so well. It makes me wonder if he has any quirks. Well, besides what happened in his past of course.
You hide the event so well too. You give us just enough and then you take it away leaving us with a witty or sarcastic comment from the protaginist.
Also, I'm assuming he's in therapy or some investigation room given the atmosphere, although, having been in therapy myself for a little while I think it's the first one.
The tone of this story is so...I can't put it into words. It makes me crave for more.

Hmmm. Interesting.

Im just going to make an odd comment.

In your summary, if you take out the last story and fix it so it says "mine," I think it would look more visually appealing.

gosh, I wish I was as impactful of a writer as you are.
you just come up with the most amazing plots ever. I'm incredibly jealous,
but absolutely amazed!

stunning work,
and a little criticism because you know I love it:
In the first chapter,
the transition between the talk of in-betweener's and your point about the walls seems very choppy, and it feels as though you're missing details that should be there.

I don't know if you feel that way, or if anyone else does.
but I just noticed it and thought I'd point it out c:

love it and I already subscribed!
keep writing love xx

I'm really excited for this! I really have enjoyed reading what has been posted so far.

I've never read anything like this before, and i have to admit that i'm already a fan :]
Amazing, i can't wait to read more.
*sunscribes*

Once again, lovely! Mr. Winters is very open about everything but the incident. It's obvious that he remembers more than he's giving out, yet the person he's talking to doesn't pry for it, which leads me to believe that he may already know what happened. I've become very curious about the man, and I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps the voice is in his head. Looking over it, he does appear to be a bit schizophrenic - especially considering that he experienced something so traumatizing at such a young age.

On a side note, eight/nine seems...more than a bit young to be contemplating suicide, much less attempting it. It's just a suggestion, but if you upped the age a bit it may seem more realistic. Most people don't develop suicidal thoughts until their early teens.

Again, I'll point out the errors I found:

Mum and dad no longer looked at me the same.
Capitalize dad here because it's used as a name. If you'd like to emphasize the distance between he and his parents, change the sentence to "My mum and dad no longer looked at me the same."

What? Do you want ask me something?
You seem to have left out the word "to."

I was bleeding profusely, and I already had begun to feel dizzy.
Disrupts the flow. Change it to "I had already begun to feel dizzy."

Slash and slash had worn me out, the blood loss finally getting to my head, and I collapsed to the cold bathroom floor.
It makes no sense to say "slash and slash" try instead "the slashes." Also, your verb tenses don't agree, change "finally getting" to "had finally gotten." The sentence should read as follows "The slashes had worn me out, the blood loss had finally gotten to my head, and I collapsed to the cold bathroom floor."

This reminds me of a book I read called "The Pornographer's Poem" I hope the main character isn't already dead :( I subscribed btw

Wow! I must say that I somewhat adore this. Personally, I love stories that exist purely in dialogue; it's difficult to tell a story without any action, but when it's done correctly, it's a masterpiece. You see into a character's soul, no obstacles or distractions. I love that. I love Mr. Winters for who he is and what he is, whoever and whatever he may be. I love that he's broken, that he's hypocritical, that he knows and he doesn't know all at the same time. He, like the walls, is opaque and transparent all at the time; you see him just as much as you don't. I love it.

You made quite a few errors, and I suggest either a finding yourself an editor or doing a bit more proofreading on your own part. I'll point out what I found.

I guess you could say I'd be an in-betweener.
This sounds awkward. "I guess you could say I'm an in-betweener" flows better, and it makes more sense to say that it's something he is than something he would be.

You could argue that so can every other in-betweener.
This sentence doesn't agree with itself, and the fact that it's missing a comma doesn't help much. "You could argue that, and so could every other in-betweener."

The answers are infinite, any which way you go, there's an solution.
There is a solution, not an.

I would have loved to major in Chemistry if I ever went to University.
Again, this doesn't agree and it ruins your flow. "if I had ever gone to University" or "had I ever gone to University" works better.

"Would you like me to ask you what it is Mr. Winters?"
No. No I don't.
It makes no sense to answer that question that way. Change the answer to "No. No I wouldn't." or change the question to "Do you want me to ask you what it is Mr. Winters?"

...even my two cousins from down south who, from what I remember, never visited anyone, ever.
Capitalize "south." Also, you may want to change the structure. Making "ever" its own, one word sentence will put emphasis on the rarity.

Next thing I knew, I was being picked up and hands covering my eyes, my mouth, hiding me from the sight that lay ahead of me.
Watch your verb tenses. "Picked" and "covering" don't agree with each other this way; to fix it, change "covered" to "covering."

Overall, lovely story!

I love, love, love, love, love, love the new chapter! I find it very very refreshing the way the writer talks, and someone else replies in quotations marks. I'm very intrigued by the way you set things up. Eager for more! Please update soon ^_^

I like how you have formatted this. How the protagonist doesn't have speech marks yet the person he is 'talking' to does. I wonder who the actual speaker is. Himself?

This is very interesting. I like the wall metaphor. And also the sudden change of thoughts the protagonist makes so it is like we are actually in his mind. The first person perspective helps with that nicely. Great work, good day.

this is pretty cool.
love your style of writing.
a little like mine c:

this is so strange though, i don't even know what's happening!
definitely subscribing ^^

First of all, one of my favorite words is translucent.

Second of all, not that anyone cares, Mr. Winters is one letter off from being the name of a made up man I jokingly invented to cheer up a horribly distraught hormonal femal friend o.o

In other news- I really liked how detailed this was. It's short, but you make it count.

The explanation of every human having their own wall was so insightful and I was sort of nodding my head along as it was a fact, because you made it sound real, and I caught myself agreeing.

Im confused with the summary and title, so far I don't know what this is about, and the first chapter was intriguing, he is his own wall breaker?

I'm subbing, because this is simply and cleanly written and easy to read and you've compelled me :c

This is cute. It reminds me of that song Sunday Morning by Maroon 5. But it's unique and just cute. I'm gonna sub.

Love the wall metaphor kinda thing. It's very cool and original. Can't wait to see where this goes! :)