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The Late Girl - Comments

  • Princess Frankie.

    Princess Frankie. (150)

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    god. that was beautiful.
    you as a girl was just like me.
    except I was never late XD
    but seriously;
    this is amazingly written.
    I bought tickets instead for my presentation from the time I went to see My Chemical Romance. In my school, no one heard of My Chemical Romance until I showed them. They hate My Chem. They called me all those stuff those other guys said.

    And yeah;
    Keep the Faith.
    May 30th, 2008 at 12:40am
  • Mrs. Melting Crayons

    Mrs. Melting Crayons (250)

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    The opening was a good start to this, how you repeated the assignment over in different ways. It set a good mood.

    Her--your--anxiety about it seemed so real, and I guess with good reason. It seemed like any young girl, thinking her prize possession isn't good enough. I love the way you interpose the story with the action going on around her. It kind of pulls you in, making it impossible to stop reading.

    I thought the kids were younger than they were, apparently...I was highly surprised when they started harrassing her about being emo. It, too, was realistic, and I felt like defending her.

    The relationship between her and Jake was wonderfully done...not overly platonic, but not hinting at anything romantic that wasn't there.

    The prestentation was amazing...just so heartfelt and honest, just like the rest of this. It's beautifully done, and I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes.

    I love it. In Love
    March 29th, 2008 at 02:57am
  • the Wizard

    the Wizard (300)

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    Story/Review Game - The Late Girl:

    This is so beautiful it aches. I love how you start it off with the assignment that the teacher gave them. It gives you a feeling of what to expect, but it makes you so fucking curious. The third person came out brilliantly. Your prose is executed nicely, and I just love how you describe the scene in the playground. My favorite line of it was: "There were voices talking about their object, their item of choice, something that meant something to them and only them."

    I like how you make Jake late, too. For some reason. I dunno, maybe it's because it kinda shows that the late girl isn't the only one. And the way you make her slightly surprised when Lauren expresses care about her, that's very nice.

    But I can't exactly say 'It was nice when....' or 'I really liked the...' when in reality this story is you. It's what happened, it's your reality, it's a definition of who you are. It's a beautiful story of a girl who found salvation through an african chair and a life-saving band. And it's you.

    I loved it.

    By the way, the ending line is gold.
    March 22nd, 2008 at 10:27pm
  • shauna.

    shauna. (100)

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    Wow. I can't believe no comments are on here yet.
    You wrote this beautifully. I really, really like it.
    No, loved it.
    It was amazing.
    March 21st, 2008 at 07:09pm
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