Brighter Than the Stars - Comments

@ Skyscraper143
for real, a bunch of times when i type names it changes the spelling :P

@ PsychVampGrimm
:P

@ Skyscraper143
i blame auto correct lol

*SCREAMS*

“Seriously, Zack, what’s wrong?” You have a K there. Just letting you know

I've read a couple of chapters already, and with my past two comments go along with this one. I like how the story's plot is set up and the characters are really good too. I've never read an Allstar Weekend story until now and yours is really good. I hope to read some more soon. Keep up the good work. I hope to read another one of your stories soon.

Please write more soon :)

This is such a good story, keep up the good work :)

Should I feel bad for the mom?

wow

My face was like this the entire chapter:
:OO o_O

Okay, so I read your story "Let It Shine" because I accidentally forgot clicked on prequel. So I was SUPPOSED to be commenting on this one when I commented on the other, but no worries. I just guess that means you'll be getting two fabulous comments :)

I would say basically the same thing that I said about your other story. Try to create more complex sentences and I promise that your writing will improve dramatically. It will make the story sound much better and pull the reader in quicker. It shakes it up a bit, you know? Maybe try to not use the characters names as much as well, in favor of 'he' or 'she'; since the reader usually knows who you are referring to.

I also feel like the dialogue is choppy. It doesn't really read like people having a conversation together. You can try to imagine your characters actually out the phases of your story in your head to get an idea of what would sound real when you write it down. That usually helps me :)

So maybe instead of this:

"'Zach!' I yelled

'Leave me alone!' Zach yelled back

'I can't do that!' I yelled

'Go away!' Zach yelled

You could try:

"'Zach!' I yelled, hoping my voice would reach his ears.

'Leave me alone!' he screamed back.

'I can't do that!' The cracked in my voice did not go unheard as I relayed this fact to him.

'Go away!' he hollered, signally that the conversation was over.

The story has more dimension if you vary tones of the characters and try to express their feelings through actions.

Anyway, I hope this was helpful to you and I wish you luck with your story :D Of course, you are free to either take or disregard all of this comment as you please :D I hope you continue on in your writing endeavors :D

Comment swap brought me here. I love Allstar Weekend but for some reason never consider reading fanfictions about them. So I'm really excited that comment swap introduced me to this story. I really like it, it's interesting and I'm so enjoying reading it!

they better stay together!! NOW COME ON!! LET ME KILL TAYLOR!

:D LOL XD

sorry i haven't been commenting. I've only been on mibba on and off for the last while. anyways awesome chapters! and I'm really wonder why Taylor hates Zach so much.

Aww! <3 I get so happy when you update! I saw that you did on the main page and I started happy dancing! Cant wait for more! I love this story! <3 :D

Lupe! We need to talk. We haven't in a while! Love you, please update.
-Love, Tori <3

Aww! They're a couple! What do those people want with Zach?? I want Taylor to die!!

oooooou :D i liked the new update :3

HAHA the part with Zach and Kiara was making me laugh! :D Cam should ask what's her name to be his GF! They're soo sweet!! <3