Forbidden - Comments

Your story has an interesting premise and calls to mind the romcoms on Netflix. I'm getting a strong Kissing Booth/To All the Boys I've Loved Before vibe, but only genre-wise. Your story is unique in it's an array of characters and personalities. I love the relationship between Janie and her mom, it's so cute! I'm kind of wary of Britney because she keeps mentioning that Janie's perfect, so it makes me wonder if she's jealous.

The first chapter was a little confusing to me because characters like Jackson were introduced a little late, so it was hard to contradict my assumptions with the truth. For example, I thought since Jackson was standing next to the mother and due to the way Janie reacted to him, that he was the mom's boyfriend. There are also a few issues with mechanics, such as when you wrote how Janie was putting on her boots or how she would hug someone.

Okay, I am a little wary because I've heard and read plenty of stories with this same premise.
At first Jackson had me confused. I didn't know if he was her mom's boyfriend or what.
And who was the person giving the speech?

I'm going to cry... mostly because I haven't blinked mostly throughout this entire chapter... They are just so... and everybody is like... and Amber is a b*tch and... it's just so good!!! :D I do love this update very much so yes. :D

I'm really interested in what is going on between Nate and his dad, something there isn't quite right and I've got an inkling... But I'm not sure. It's keeping me guessing and I find myself wanting to read more and more. I'm not really fond of Janie, but I think that's more to do with the fact I prefer strange characters who are always in the background. I'm getting the impression that something bad will happen and it's definitely got me hooked.

I have to agree with the previous commenter that Janie is just TOO perfect! She's confident and pretty and lives the perfect lifetyle and it is a little unrealistic, she should have some underlying confidence or body-issues or like, a gigantic hairy mole or SOMETHING!!! otherwise, this story is good :)

I...like this, to an extent. It's not really my kind of story but I had to read it for the comment swap thing, so I read the entire thing to give a decent comment.

In the story terms, as in the plot and characters, I have a few things to say.
I really don't like Jackson. He comes off as controlling and overly-jealous. His jealousy makes him come off as if he doesn't trust Janie. At all. Which is not the type of boyfriend girls generally want. At least, not me. But maybe it's just how you wrote him.
Also, I don't like Janie. She's a spoiled brat honestly. And I know that you write her to be a Mary-Sue, the "definition of perfect" but she tends to get a bit obnoxious at times because she's spoiled. I think you should give her some flaws. No one really likes reading about the perfect teenagers because it's not realistic. There is a such thing as having the dream life, sure. Perfect boyfriend, perfect life with money to get anything she wants, but there's usually something that's far from perfect. I just think she's too perfect, and as I said, I understand that's the point of the story but eh. It's just a suggestion, not a mean comment. You don't have to change anything if that's just how you prefer it.

In terms of your grammar and punctuation.
Sometimes, you use the wrong punctuation and then sometimes, you skip over a word so I have to read the sentence over again. I suggest editing as carefully as you can over your chapter or letting someone else so these things don't happen.

I don't want to come across as hateful or anything of the sort because I'm not. As I said, I read this through and through to give you a proper comment. Not an offending, hateful one.
This story can have potential, plenty of it, for the people that enjoy reading things like this. Your descriptions are good and I do enjoy Nathan's way of communicating. It's artistic and creative, very deep and meaningful. I wish you the best of luck on this story. (:

I've only read chapter one, but from what I've read, I really like this story! I loved the way you incorporated the mindset of volleyball into her train of thought, I thought that was really awesome! I'm subscribed and am so excited to continue reading! It's so good! :)

Jackson needs to go...
but I've been thinking that for a while now.
haha I love Nate's weird silent communication he's got going on.
anyways,
please update soon.

Jackson is giving me red flags. I absolutely love this new chapter! I cant wait to see what Nate wrote for her!! :D Love it!

my favorite part of this story is the reality of it.
you know?
the communications and mannerisms between the people are things that people actualy do very regularly.
you don't rush things with this story..you just play things out like things would in real life.
it's refreshing to read a story with reality.
refreshing and interesting.
I'm in love with this story.

Yeah... right now I absolutely love Nate. You need to update gurl. :D BECAUSE THINGS ARE STARTING TO HEAT UP... well to a more intense degree, anyways, yeah :D

Gimme moooooooore!!! :D

My reaction when I found out that the person who wrote the 'Two Worlds' story and 'Forbidden' was the same... Hilarious really... I actually fell out of my chair. I LOVE your stories. I hope you update sooner!!! :D

Im going to cry. This is just awesome. This story right here. Amazing. I also had a panic attack when she almost fell off the waterfall... and that's why I dont canoe :D haha UPDATE SOON PLEASE!!!

This story is so awesome! I love how your chapter have actual length!!! And I love this set up!!! Can't wait for the next update!

Good story, but I'd just like to point out that in volleyball, you have to gain two points over the other team in order to win. So your 24-25 score in the first chapter, technically wouldn't have ended the game. Other than that, it's really good.

love this....

Hey this is really good so far. I'll be looking forward to more. :)

this is great; i love the story and how you've written it. now let's hope i'll get the email notifying me about the new chapter soon!

Its awesome! It'll surely turn out great.. So definitely keep.. :3 Le'subscribed~

Ohhh! love being the 1st comment! :) the step brother... I think that's who the picture is of... He's HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! :)