The Next Room - Comments

My heart aches after reading this. People think that the people who are sentenced to death are monsters and have always been monsters. But that's not necessarily true. We're not born bad. We aren't born with the ability to hate. Only to love. And I love the insight on that. I love how this "monster" has good memories too. It's beautiful. Sorry for the short comment. I'm low on time. ♥ Beautiful piece, really.

This is beautifully and cruelly written. But cruelty can also be beautiful. The point I'm trying to make is that this was truly an inspirational piece that brought tears to my eyes. The break in writing worked amazingly well and only added to the emtion of the moment rather than taking away as happens in many stories. It was a gift to read.

The only thing I disliked is that you used it for political ideas (which is fine) but you didn't tell what he did to get the death penalty. To me, in a politically influenced story, that is leaving out information which is wrong no matter what side you are on.

But as entertainment goes, it was incredible.

I am writing this review on my phone so please excuse any misspellings.

So the layout I like it but the background was a little too intense for me but it wasn't that bad when I started reading the summary. I also think it set a gloomy mood with the gray and white.

As for the story itself it was excuted perfectly. The raw emotion of the girl was so powerful and I was gripped by it as I read it. You have wonderful description and it flowed nicely to make it smooth and an easy read. This was a good one-shot! You should be very proud of this :)

Firstly, the layout is nice. I enjoy a nice, organized layout. Kudos! And straight from the beginning I was completely immersed in the storyline. Someone is going through lethal injection and the character is in the audience, and I'm eager to know more. The detail is wonderful so far.

I take the seat on the furthest right, as close to the empty back row as I possibly can and wait. No one notices me, not at first, and the buzz around me continues.

Ooh, wow. The following paragraph is just as gripping. What caught my attention most was; The atmosphere within the room mimic how our lives had been for the past few months. The accusatory glances, bullying, the verbal and physical attacks in school. All that doesn't matter though, not now. I'm really curious... and looking forward to finding out *hopefully* what exactly they mean. The suspense is deadly. :o

Fantastic detail, the plot is going strong, and I still haven't lost interest. My heart sort of jump when I read - He makes his way to the machines and checks it over, clicking buttons and adjusting knobs. Behind him there is a Catholic priest, two uniformed prison guards and then behind them, behind them is him.

I turn, see him and stop crying. "It hurts, Daddy," I whimper. He nods, "I know, sweetie, I know. But keep your eyes on me, okay? Don't look at it, just on me, okay?" The moment passes and I am there again, in that room. The doctor is still testing the syringe and Daddy is watching me. My heart is breaking. The way you're weaving in and out of the present is done so beautifully and I can feel all of the emotions beginning to surface. This is heartbreaking, but in the way that I can admire - your writing does it incredible justice.

UGH. And that ending. You moved me more than anyone else on this site has yet. I'm not sugarcoating it, either. I feel like crying.

It was like a movie... the way you counted down until the end.

And I'll never know why he was put to death, but I kind of like the mystery.

Fantastic job. This was worth the read.

What a beautiful peice or writing. I enjoyed it. I found a couple mistakes but they weren't as bad

great job

This is an interesting, if unpleasant, idea. It wasn't fun to read, but that's not because it's bad. There were a few small errors (missing letters- 'await' instead of 'awaits' etc.), and I think the layout is a little drab, which contributes to the nasty mood. Maybe that was intentional, but I would suggest making the text and background contrast more so that it's easier to read.

In terms of concept execution, I think you could do something really cool here with the title, 'The Next Room'. Maybe there are several 'next room's in this story? Where do people go when they die? I think there's room for more exploration.