Break the Sky - Comments

This story is well written. it had a flow and what descriptions, keep it up . I loved the 1st person POV it suits well in this story. Would love to read more of this. I hope you could describe the setting more.

This story was so beautifully written and you captured so much detail and emotion in so little time. I've never before been a fan of one-shots, but this story has opened my eyes a little bit to the wonder of them. You pulled me full force into a world I wasn't expecting and left me wondering so many different things. Why was she there? Where did she meet this person? What is her full story? I think those questions and mysteries are the exact reasons why this was so enjoyable to read.

The main character was so raw and I really liked reading that. There was nothing romanticized about what she was going through; it was just sex. Sometimes that's all sex is. Nothing. I think people forget that or don't like to think about it often because sex is supposed to be this romantic, pleasurable declaration of love, but that isn't always the case. You made me think during this story and I think that is really important for a writer to do.

Another thing I loved about this one-shot was how descriptive you were and how beautiful the language you used was. You made me feel like I was the one going through the experience. I have also felt this way before so it was also relatable. Not many people want to admit that they've felt the same way. I think that's also the beauty of the piece. How honest it was.

Thank you for writing this, I really enjoyed it! :)

First of all, I like this kind of stories without any bigger introduction, you are just pulled in a world completely different from the one you know but not all of the people can do this right. But, you did it perfectly. It felt like I am her, and not just an outsider, and I think that's the greatest compliment for a writer, to make their characters so real that the readers can feel like they are those characters.
The story flowed beautifully, without any interruptions or bumps on the road, everything was so smooth like silk so that's why I enjoyed it very much.
I really like the ending because it's not incomplete but it leaves a space for the reader to interpret in any way her/she wants to.
Her character is so strong and her indifference is what is dominating this story. It feels like she herself is an outsider in her own life, like she is just watching random events and not participating in them. I wouldn't actually call it indifference but rather apathy, I think that's the right word.
Anyhow, really amazing story and I'm really glad I stumbled upon it. Keep writing because you do it beautifully! I'll be sure to check some of your other works :D

Thanks to comment swap I found this intriguing one shot! I'm glad I did. I admit I was confused when I started to read because it felt like I jumped to a late chapter without reading the other chapters. However, as I read it, it started to sound a lot like a good plot and a good introduction. You can do a lot from where you left off and the one shot seems like an open door.

This was such an enchanting story! I could picture everything that was going on as your words progressed. I was really interested in what she (or you, or whomever) was thinking and feeling throughout the story. I wish to know why she felt the way she did while the man so was obviously in love with you, or something along the lines of that. I wonder how she grew to feel this way; almost carrying an apathetic approach to the whole situation. All in all, it was very engrossing and I enjoyed every second of it.

it's almost hard to believe that someone can write something as absolutely wonderful as this. I want to know what your inspiration was with this story, because I could never hope to write something as amazing as this. It's such a simple story, and yet it seems to be the gateway into one's most secret mindset - indifference. I want to know much more about this character, like why she is the way that she is, but I guess I'll just have to settle for what my mind can dream up. this is amazing.

This is very well written and you give a lot of insight into the mind of your character. It's fascinating. It's amazing how you can take such a simple scene and use it to tell so much about the narrator. At one point though, you wrote "wind," and I'm pretty sure it should have been "mind." That's something you might want to fix. Other than that, I don't see any problems with it.

That was incredibly fascinating. I adored it as it was truly amazing.

As a few said, though, I was a bit confused reading it. I couldn't figure out what was happening. As well written as it was, it also throws readers off when they can't make sense of the writing. It's a very beautiful piece. Incredibly so, even. I envy the way your writing flowed flawlessly. If there were any mistakes, I didn't catch them. I just have the same suggestion as others, which is to give more detail so we actually know what's going on. At first, I thought it was a lack of love in a relationship but towards the end, I thought it could be a one-night stand? I'm not sure.

Generally, it was amazing. So aside from that slight issue, this is fantastic and I love it. Great job.

Found this with comment swap. I have to admit it is amazing. Very well written, great character development. But I'm also confused as all hell at the same time. I agree with PoeticMess, a little more detail about what's actually going on would be nice. Like is it a one-night-stand kind of thing? Or is there more to it than that. I feel like there's more, but I just can't quite grasp it.
Aside from the confusion, I love it. Its so carefully written, and beautiful! :)

I really loved this. You have such a great voice, and your character is so developed. I love the descriptions and her wandering mind. I could really get an image for what was going on around her and in her head. I could tell from the way you wrote him that he cares about her, and maybe she cares about him too but they care about each other differently.
It doesn't really matter because it's beautiful and I love it.

This was very well written but I'm slightly confused to why they were together if she didn't want them to be together. You could try and explain what is really going on. That might help your readers. & maybe explain the relationship between the two people & the last line. Why is she in Chicago? This left me with a lot of questions.

But overall it was good. The main character is a strange girl, but she's interesting all the same.

Very nice. :) the picture drew me in. :) you deffently have a nice writing way. The one thing I can critique I can give is that there is no words. No confersation. So there was a lacking in what they were all about. If you write more chapters you should put some words :)

Keep writing!!

This is very well written and I must say that you practically took my breath away (if I had any) I could imagine everything that you wrote in my mind with great detail.

She sounds fantastic and she makes me think which is something that I usually don't do when I read. Your talent really shows through the piece of art. I hope to read more by you in the future. Two thumbs up.

This is very well written! Can't believe I'm only the second to comment! Jeez I have to take a breath just... wow... well done.

You are a fabulous writer! You are so detailed about everything, The scene and her thoughts. You brought the main character to life vibrantly! And left us all with so many questions eager to read more. I really, really like this! You have talent. You were meant to write :)

story comment swap
Wow I can't believe nobody has commented yet! From the first paragraph I was pulled in. I wasn't sure about what was going on at first. I was thinking, did she want him? Was he trying to rape her? Oh no, they've been together before? But why doesn't she really want it if they've been together? Who's pressuring them to be together. With further reading I still don't understand why they are together but I guess that's okay. This was interesting and thought provoking and I liked the protagonist, she was weirdly enchanting. All in all, ten stars, great job :)