Vivid Emerald - Comments

Nice story build up also this is a good mystery.

I liked this a lot! I love the mystery you bring at the beginning. It makes your readers wonder and want to read more. I do wish you would have expanded on how she got in the water or what made the ducks come over to her in the first place. Something you could experiment with also is how you reveal that the creatures at the beginning are just ducks. Like reveal it at the very end or never reveal it but keep ornithophobia in at the end. Just some ideas but either way, this story is written very well and I enjoyed it quite a bit!

THIS LITERALLY MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD. At first I thought that this was about extra blood thirsty Mosquitos, but then I thought hm, it could be about vampires, who knows. Then, when it got to the point of talking about breed or size or color, I thought well maybe she's afraid of dogs. Those attack people and yeah, those can definitely be terrifying. And then it talked about how she was in the water and I started to get it. I was like... no... it can't be... DUCKS? I GOT SO WEAK LAUHING AT THAT. DUCKS. SHE'S AFRAID OF DUCKS. I was bitten by a duck once when I was a kid because I wasn't feeding it fast enough but it didn't draw blood. She must have been attacked by a vicious ass duck for it to make her bleed, oh man. I thoroughly enjoyed this so much. It made me laugh so hard. This was very good for it having been your first Drabble! I loved the green thing you had going on and how you related the title to the color of the duck's head. I think that those kind of ducks are actually beautiful. :) You've done such a great job! ❤

Oh my goodness, I was so into this and so captivated. And so confused!
At one point I swear I thought she was afraid of vultures, and then I was like "Hm.." so then I started thinking, "Maybe it's dogs, or wolves!" and then you used the words beaks I think and I was like So then I saw the word duck and felt like I was going to die I felt so dumb.

This was written great, I could have felt her fear if I hadn't been trying so hard to figure out what animal it was she was afraid of. It was dumb of me but now i'm off to read more of your stories. c:

-comment swap-

I like the green theme you have that matches the title, but the background image is a little awkward because it has a huge watermark on it, so maybe change that?

Despite this, I love your writing style and your vivid imagination that came from one picture. Plus, Ellie's fear was so vivid I even felt it. You have an amazing piece here, and I hope you win the contest because you deserve it!

*Comment Swap*
This was pretty cool! I love that even though this is a short story you managed to build up a lot of suspense. I was sure you were talking about something mysterious or aliens or something. The ending was surprising,and humorous. Good job!!

I really like this! I found this story through the comment swap thing. I've never read this type of story before, but it is actually really good. I love how mysterious it was, and the way you built everything up. It was wonderful how you could do so much in such a short story. You're good at this, don't quit writing. :)

I really like this. I was really thinking the creatures were some kind of aliens or so, but when it turned out to be ducks, I could easily relate to the character. I've had a fear of ducks since I was little also. This is a really great story. The way you describe some parts of this is very amazing.

Keep up the great work!

Comment swapper :)
I like this. I really like your descriptions, and the way you build suspense, and I like the way you only hint at what it is she fears, and the situation she's currently in. Sentences like 'During her childhood, she had encountered a lone one' are really effective in that respect.
However, I feel the end was slightly anti-climatic. Not the revelation itself, which I liked because it was new and interesting (I've never, ever seen ornithophobia used before), but the way in which you introduced her fear. Uselessly, I can't figure out any suggestions though :/ sorry.

I really liked it, a nice and humorous short :D (also, you cab tell you like birds, even though we're looking through the eyes of someone who is terrified of them.)

Okay. That was not expected! At all. I'm thinking evil, horrible creatures. I loved it. You kept me on edge and then spun the story around. It was nicely written and I'm glad I found this through the comment swap :D

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Okay, this made me laugh. When you were writing all intense at the beginning I was trying to guess the whole time whether it was some kind of wolf or a made up creature or something. Then when you wrote about the creatures being ducks I thought it was hilarious! Totally awesome and love the layout. You should write more original fiction. Keep it up and happy writing! :3

I really liked this. Your description is excellent throughout the story and you really make a creature as docile as a duck seem scary and fearsome. I think there's also a little bit of humor at the end and it's a perfect touch!

You did a wonderful job pulling the reader in and keeping them on the edge of their seats. It made the reveal that much better. Your descriptions are beautiful. You really fit a lot of suspense and back story into just 500 words, and the ending was good and not rushed.

I really like this. I love that it keeps the reader guessing about what she's surrounded by. And I like that there's another story buried within it (her friends daring her to go into the pond because they know she's afraid). You have done a great job at creating a real story in 500 words. I feel like the end is a bit awkward and doesn't totally fit into the story. I feel like you if you had written a few more lines you would have naturally come to an ending but as it i now it feels a little rushed. You did a really good job creating her fear too, which is never easy especially if you don't share the same fear. Awesome job!

The first paragraph alone is intense and making my eyes slowly lean in closer to the screen with every word. My assumption from just reading your first descriptions of who is circling Ellie is vampires.

But now, as the word 'beasts' pops up, I'm considering it is werewolves. However, I am reading about a duck.

So the creatures are birds that she believs are going to eat her? They weren't actually going to eat her were they? Was it just her fear that messed with her head to believe they were going to attack? Or were they actually psychotic birds wanting Ellie as food?

This was very good and definitely not what I was expecting. Great job for surprising me; it doesn't happen often :) You are very talented suspense writer.

The beginning pulls the reader in and refuses to let go. The use of subtlety and suspense creates a sense of danger and fear. Ellie’s emotions are subtlety portrayed through the tone of the story, forcing the reader to feel her fear. The langue you've used also helps build that most important tone. This is brilliantly written as well as a unique story. Got to say I now feel less guilty eating ducks and I’ll never feel safe around them again.

This is good. Excellent use of suspense. I was expecting the birds to be vultures or something, but when it turned out they were ducks, I couldn't help finding it a little bit funny. I suppose that's a bit insensitive :o Anyway, this is brilliant, well done!

The beginning automatically makes the reader use their imagination. It starts out in such a dramatic way showing her thoughts and fears without giving away anything. At first I thought she had been attacked by a dog and that was her fear, but then you wrote about a wing and water and that made me rethink what the story was about entirely.

This is well written and, unlike some one-shots that I've read, leaves me satisfied and happy with the ending. It isn't confusing, delivering a whole story, with back-story, rising action, climax, and falling action.
Loved it.

I was hooked into the story from the very beginning, and I thought the creatures were vampires or something. Then I realized that the beautiful way you've written this story was to build suspense until the reader realized that Ellie was afraid of ducks. Then of course, I saw the picture. Beautiful job. :)

oh my gosh! this was great, absolutely wonderful! i was so sure that she was some dystopian heroin fending off hoards of vampires, or something, but then i guess if you've got a phobia of something that's what it feels like.

such a good twist, and so well done! <3