Let's Die Together - Comments

-Comment Swap-

The concept of the story is wonderful. It was just a bit hard to read, though. There needs to be spacing between the paragraphs. Otherwise, it looks like one giant paragraph, it's hard to read. The detail, however is unbelievable. It's so beautiful, and so I give you major props for that.

Have a great day! (:

Since your story was much longer than mine I'm only giving a short comment.

First of all, you're not properly paragraphing your story, and that's actually against Mibba rules. It makes it intensly hard to read what you've written, and the fact that the text is in impact makes it even harder. Genuinely, I don't know why you'd choose this font for a story text.

I watched from our old favorite tree as they drug her lifeless body from the depths and laid her out on the sand bar.
- It's "dragged"

me just weeks be]fore her suicide
- The ] shouldn't be there

Overall I liked the concept, but the formatting isn't correct. First it's the lack of paragraphs and also some of the dialog isn't properly written either. But the concept is cool.

I found this hard to read - not because of the content, but because of the layout. The words were too big and there wasn't enough spacing. It doesn't detract from the story itself, but I had to default the layout in order to read it.

I thought this was very interesting. It was short, but the idea, I think, is beautiful. It's very intriguing and there's a lot more that could be put into it, but I think it makes a point as it is. I think the flashbacks in this really contributed to the story as a whole. They explain a lot, and the detail in them is great.

There were a few mistakes in spelling and grammar, though, so you might want to proofread. But overall, well done.

OH, MY. THE BEAUTIFUL DETAIL IN THIS. :O
I'm usually not a big fan of so many words clumped together in one big paragraph, but the flow and prettiness of your writing really made up for that. The beginning definitely got me hooked, because who wouldn't be curious about someone watching a dead body?
Deaths are devastating. This story portrayed how not only is the dead the one who is affected, but so are their friends and loved ones and such. Beautiful story, love. THIS IS SO FUDGING SAD : ' ((

Hello, this is for the comment swap =D

Alright so let me start with I find the title very interesting which is why I picked it. When I came to the actual story page I was a little disappointed that there was no summary for the story. I think if you put one it would make people want to read it more. The layout is okay I think it's a little messy but that's not important. As for the font of the story, not really liking it.

Also space out the paragraphs so it isnt all jumbled together it's harder to read when there isn't spaces between paragraphs.

The first paragraph is written very nicely there is the perfect amount of description and a nice touch of emotion.

and now look what it got her, -- this sounds a little off to me. I think you should put 'at' in there

Karson had told me just weeks be]fore her suicide.[\i] -- might want to take the bracket out of the word 'before'

The ending paragraph was a wonderful yet sad way to end the story you did a great job with this. Fix up the presentation of it and this would be. 10 out of 10 story

This was really good.
I particularly liked the imagery at the beginning.
The whole thing has a morbid tone, and you didn't break it the whole time.
Very fluid.