I Saw You in My Sleep - Comments

This was really amazing! Your descriptions made up for the lack of length for me. (I personally prefer longer chapter). The ending is, excuse me for my lack of formality, but ASDFGHJKL! Words cannot express. Amazing job!

Kristen :)

This was really good! Your descriptions were done really well and it made the story much more interesting. You are a very good writer and I love your style. You also conveyed the emotion of this story really well and you're very good with the first person point of view!

I really loved this. The ending was so powerful. This was breathtaking and amazing. You did a really good job with this piece here.

This was beautiful. Your layout was simple and it really added emphasis to the story and just love. I really love the colors you used, as well.

I noticed this:
I could have swore I saw her in my dreams
Maybe it's only me, but I think it should be sworn, now swore.

I'm not sure if it was that one time, because there was a fifteen minute break from me reading the first part of this and the last.

It was so lovely, so heartbreaking. I could feel my heart breaking along with his - or hers?

And I was getting angry at that girl for leaving! Towards the end I wanted to slap her, ha.
Really well written, of course. Amazing job.

First of all, the layout: Good Lord, that is one hell of an excellent use of a reasonably simple - seeing as there's no background pattern, just colour - style and I must say I loved it. The banner looks just perfect and I guess your writing was probably inspired by it somewhat. Even the font you used fitted with it and I found your layout soothed my eyes even! Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, as Leonardo da Vinci would say.

Now, on to the actual writing: Liked how it opened as it left the story with many different ways to go from there, although I thought perhaps a semi-colon between 'opening' and 'at' could have added punctuation effect.
Your use of a simile with the plane-crash-heart-break was lovely and unique - it can start to grate on my nerves a little when I see the same cliched comparisions between a heartbreak being like a fragile vase smashing or something. Awesome detail on the fact the character felt like they could physically hear their heart shattering, not just feel it.

'The ghosts of memories creeped up my spine and breathed down my neck to whisper in my ear.' Shivers down my spine, never mind ghosts of memories creeping up it! Man, it makes me smile when I find little snippets like this that are just so gorgeous and... beautiful.
I would then follow to probably quote your entire story onwards from here till the end because all the words about confronting fears and mangaled hearts and tearing things further apart were just so raw. They felt raw and honest and confused and hurt and... so human and alive. The slipped in 'damn' just made it all seem so much more real to the point of oh-my-God-I'm-in-someone's-mind.

And sorry, what? I picked up a tone in your author's note that confused me a little. 256 'pointless' words perhaps - but who ever said fruitful pertained to pretty, pure or a great read?
Needless to say from all that, I really liked your story :)

Whoa... This is... Breathtaking, really.

I'm practically speechless, I think it was wonderfully written and it really hit home for me. The summary itself pulled me in and I'm seriously glad I chose to swap with you on this. It's beautiful.

I guess I thought a lot of things, but I never knew a damn thing. I thought she was trying to fix things, but I never knew she was tearing them further apart.
That's my favorite part of the entire one-shot.

Fantastic job. c;