A Villiage Legend - Comments

@ jchavers2006
Thank you so much for your comment! I'm pleased you enjoyed my writing. I can see what you mean about the parts I can add in. My main focus here was suspense which is why I ended it on such a cliffhanger, but I may experiment with what I can add.

Thanks again,
Jen xx

I absolutely love this layout! Gorgeous! I envy you on your ability. Okay now on to the story. I love a good Halloween story and this reminds me of those fun filled days when I was a kid and we would sneak into grave yards and tell spooky ghost stories. Perfect timing on this story too as Halloween is just around the corner. Gothic horror is by far one of my favorite genres. Next to a good crime drama, tales of ghosts and legends has always been entertaining. I liked the teasing between the friends and many of us can relate to that. I also liked the twist of finding the boys in the mausoleum. You could really expand this story into a full one and develop upon the relationship between the girls and the back story of the boys, such as how long they have been there, do they have any connection with the girls. Also put in a part of how they deal with what had happened to them after their close escape. It is a very good short story, but you really good make it into an amazing full length one. I would love to learn more about the legend and what ghastly ghoul was about to pounce upon the young heroes.

This is actually really good. I was a bit skeptical of the entire Gothic-esque story because the ones I've read haven't exactly been stellar, but this was surprisingly good. I really liked your writing, though at times, I wanted a bit more description of the scenery and the characters. The dialogue is good between the characters, but I thin the only thing that I would change would be that the characters need a tad bit more development. If you lead into their character traits and how they act, it'll be much more interesting for the readers. Other than that, everything is really great :) Good job!

Hello.

Ooooh, yes, write on with the Gothic style stories. That the text was aligned to the right was a little odd for me, but I didn't really mind it. There wasn't very much description of the characters. You don't really need much; just enough for the reader to get a clearer visualization, although the characterization wasn't bad for a short story. Well, I'm glad that I got this story instead of the cheesy ones that I sometimes get for comment swap. I like the title and how it connects with the chapter title, the story, and the setting. I'm glad that you made the title relevant to the story, in other words; some people just choose random pretty words that are irrelevant to the plot, setting, or anything. It was a little hard to keep track of the characters at the beginning, but that kind of goes back to the whole descriptions thing. I enjoyed the story though, especially the creepy part near the end and the end itself.

Great story, written so well that i found it easy to follow and i loved the descriptions and especially the writing style. i think you're great with Gothic. you should write on. A little more descriptions of the characters would help the readers connect more with them, i think, otherwise, i like it.

I loved your story. I've been in the mood for horror recently, and this really helped to satiate my hunger...though it won't be long before I sink my teeth into another one. But anyway, the story doesn't have a lot of imagery, so I would edit in more detail. Why is Kate so good at picking locks? And you should totes write another story like this one, because it was awesome and really held my attention.

Firstly, can I eat your layout? It's awesome.
Oh you even told the words to start on the right side of the page! They never listen to me, how did you get that done exactly? (I'm kidding don't worry. I know you probably used the magic word...please...and it was all done and set in stone)

Anyways about your story: The story part was kind of cliche, but the horror part was quite scary!

Try to think outside the box to conversations that aren't so familiar from TV shows and books. Add details, that makes all the difference, that why your creature is so scary!

This story is not at all bad, just enough detail for imagery and enough to paint a picture in your head about what’s happening. Original ideas are always the best, and this one is something I’ve never read before. Great work, keep it up!

Perhaps it was just my computer screen, but the layout made it a bit difficult to read.

I loved every bit of this. I'm fascinated by the superstitions that often go along with small village life. Your language really brought this story to life, only a few authors here on Mibba can pull off writing spooky/gothic-style stories.

With this being your first attempt at such a story, I expect you'll come up with great things. I can't wait to see an update on this.

I disagree with the previous comment, though. I don't think you should delving into every little detail about the characters just yet, because this is only the first chapter. Build up the characters' nervous ticks and personalities as the story progresses, because you give it all away too soon, the reader gets bored with the character.

I really like your similes! Hopefully you don't consider this offensive but I loved the beginning, it reminded me of reading Goosebumps but not at all in a bad way. It was more so in the way that I really wanted to know what was going to happen next! This is a great start, I'm just going to suggest that your work on developing detail in terms of the characters and their actions and reactions and really pump up the imagery! I will be keeping an eye on this one