Captain's Jacket - Comments

I was sent here by comment swap and I am finding that there is no stpry here for me to read so i do not know what exactly I am supposed to be commenting on. However, i shall leave this, the layout for this is absolutely beautiful and makes me sad that there isnt a story cuz i thinkm it wouldve been rather amazing.

I was sent here by Comment Swap and was immediately intrigued. Upon my arrival, however, it appears to me that there are no chapters here? I'm not sure if the story was deleted or something, but. I'm not exactly 100% sure what to do now. From the previous comments, though, your characters sound well-developed. I like the name Olek. Your layout is very pleasing to the reader's eye. I love the wood paneling background the most. Either with or without chapters, you appear to be an amazing writer. I'd be interesting in viewing your other works :)

I like Valentin and Olek quite a lot c:
I like their relationship.
PLEASE UPDATE SOON.

Yes! Oh my goodness I never find good historical stories on here. I'm so glad I found this on comment swap because I love it. Everything is so artfully described and I feel like i'm there with them. Keep up the good work, because I'm subscribing and can't wait to read more!

This story really is amazing. I wouldn't expect anything less from a co-write by two of my favourite authors on here though <3

I love how Olek and Adrian are totally different, even though they are in the same situation. Both of your writing styles really compliment your character, which is really amazing.

I wish I could say more about it, but it's way too brilliant to comment on. Amazing job!

I am usually not one to enjoy a military story, but this was a actually good. You had a great style of writing, and I think that you did well with the subject you're working with. I think that your incorporation of the language makes you better than one published author (cough Micheal Scott). This is beautiful, keep up the great work.

This way this story is, is amazing! Extremely descriptive and just full of detail. The words flowed really well; this is just a wonderful piece of work. Keep up the great writing! I look forward to reading more!

The writing is beautiful, you both are amazing. I 'm not much into war stories, but this may just be an exception. The topic you deal with it definitely controversial and I'm glad that you bring it up in such a way, it definitely needs to be naturally immersed into our culture. I also really like how you include russian in with the writing (and don't add translation). It's the best type of writing, in my mind, when I can know what a word means without actually knowing what the word means.
Fantastic job all around :)

I'm too in love to form words properly. I've been looking for well-written WWII stories for such a long time but this - this exceeds expectations. This is all I've been looking for and more. Ah, I wish I could express how much I fawned over this. To begin with, I love the writing style of you both. There is this similarity yet a line that draws a difference - I feel as if you have written together before and are in perfect sync with each other, which only compliments the story even more.

The idea of the story is so unique and intriguing. I really want to see where this goes; see the internal conflict in Olek and Adrian, the impact the war has on them. Ah. I have too many favorite sentences and paragraphs to list them down. This is just... marvelous. It's so wonderful to read such well-written historical fiction (even more when it's WWII) on Mibba. The theme fits so perfectly with the mood of the story, it just adds an extra something to it.

I love this story so much and I can't wait for it to continue. ♥

this is really good so far. firstly, the layout is beautiful i must say, it really fits.

the chapters are short but not lacking in anything at all. i love it. i love how distinct each of your writing styles are, but they still compliment each other really nicely. good luck with the rest of this story, it's really great.

I love the way you describe the opening scene. It fits the mood well and your descriptions are perfect. It is just so beautifully written. I'm confused as to why they are speaking english in some places and another language (I think it's either Russian or German) in others, though.

In the third chapter Olek says "Can't you tell?" but I think it's meant to be "Can you tell?"

The writing style is absolutely beautiful. I wish I had half the talent you guys do. xD But, seriously, it's really good. <3

This story is a masterpiece. Perfect. I can see it so easily being published or even being turned into a movie. Each line makes the most menial task seem exciting, without it being too much. It has an air of mystery, while maintaining clarity. It's so well written, I'm jealous of both authors. It helps that I've always been fascinated by WWII as well. The only criticism I could give would be that in Chapter 2, it says "creeped" instead of crept. I'm absolutely subscribing c:

Alright my main thing in the first chapter is the Russian words. I think if you have decent enough context clues you could figure out that they are saying name and age. But if you’re clueless I think that could be a very big turn off right from the get go. A simple explanation would do wonders for the story. I noticed you have a love for adjectives, I am not saying that that is wrong but I am simply going to point out that too many of them will bog down and ruin your story. So I would go back and cut some extras. Another thing that I found troublesome was the short chapters and the fact that nothing really seemed to happen. I think you could have meshed the chapters you have into one and it would still be missing something. I mean make him do something for crying out loud. Go to the pub and drown your sorrows. Something please! All in all it was a decent story that could be good with some minor tweaking.

This is awsome! I admit I was shocked when I found out that this was a story about a soviet! some of the most interesting history happened during this time in my opinion. The chapters are a little short, but they make for nice reading when you are on a computer. sometimes the transition from one writing style to another is disorienting, the person who wrote the second chapter may try using more descriptive words to make it more uniform. thanks very much for writing this. Keep up the good work.

Summary:

The gif is awesome. It works great. The first five times. Then it sort of gives me a seizure. x]
I don't really like the summary, but only because it's telling me nothing. I have no idea at all what this story is about. Listening to that song and reading those lyrics; it doesn't tell me anything. And that's a shame for me because this feels like it has potential.

2:

I have to click custom layout at this point, because the text is too small and there's not enough spacing. Also, I LOVE the logo "captain's jacket", I genuinely do, but it's not full in the center so it distracts me. x'D

Anyway...

Not unless you're purely psychotic, and Adrian wasn't so. No, a poor boy from Berlin, surviving off the army rations and his muscles from farming in the country every summer with his uncles.
- This part feels very awkward. The "wasn't so" in the first sentence feels a little off, but it works. In the second sentence you really need a "he was" or "he is", because it doesn't look complete.

I really like this chapter overall. It's very intense and has a very descriptive language. In a place or two the language feels a little forced and it disrupts the flow, but it's nothing critical. I loved the mention of how it's not good to be sick in the war. I don't know why, but that one sentence really stood out to me. The only negative I can think of is that I still have no idea what this is supposed to be about. War, I guess? xD

Overall = me gusta.

That second chapter was short, but impacting at the same time.
I enjoyed it and am looking forward for much more of this.

Hello,

This is for comment swap. Sorry it has taken me such a long time to read and respond. Any who, let me begin. I am on my iPod so exclude any mistakes I make

Chapter One:

You made a slight mistake "He would finally be the man he father..." I think you mean "He would finally be the man his father..."

Wow, this is amazing. I must say that I have never read something do serious yet with delicacy before. I adore the way you use Stalin and the Soviet's side of this. The emotions and honor involved in this is mind blowing. Bravo.

I've always enjoyed historical fiction. Even though I hate history. I think it's because it's like a story within a story, and of course you're the one writing it and Alu is the goddess (never mind princess) of the war writing realm.

So I think my favourite part out of all this brilliance was definitely this rather long sentence:

"The sound broke through the quiet and shattered bones and spirits as the pulpit of men moved in perfect synchronization toward the tables, giving up their boyhood and memories of it and left it all behind at home, in their hearts, where they belonged and would stay forever, no matter what."

Mostly I like the part that I italicized, but anyway. I like it so much because I feel like it sums up what people should feel, or do feel, when they leave for war. It should be such a terrible feeling knowing that you're ditching the bed that you've slept in for 16 years and yet you have people dying (haha pun) to do it. It's kind of crazy in that screwed up way.

Anyway this story was beautifully done and handcrafted to perfection. I love the layout with the gif as the banner, it's mega spooky.

I just...love it?

This story is amazing. I already can feel it just by reading the first chapter.
God, this will be legendary.

It's just so alsjdfl;jasl;dfjl;

And there's Russian too! :o
I can tell that you researched a lot for this.