March 26th, 2012 at 02:49pm
This is a very intriguing story- the idea's fairly fresh and it seems like it'll be something different. I like the way you write, but there are a few glaring grammatical/typographical errors (such as there instead of their or to in place of too). There is also some incorrect pluralisation. Lastly, as the Shadow King is a name it should be capitalised. All in all, a very interesting story. I can go over the chapter for you for mistakes if you like- I generally never find my own errors until months ltmater, if they're not pointed out to me.
I look forward to more :)
I loved it! I knew I said I had to wait till I got home, but then I realized I had to pick my cousins up and bleh, I just couldn't resist! And I'm glad I did, Make sure you post the next ones quickly!