Lo Que El Viento Se Llevo. (What the wind took) - Comments

This was an interesting story. I liked how you started it, but it did get a little choppy throughout the middle of it. There were also a few punctuation errors but those can be easily fixed.

It was very powerful though, you used emotions and descriptions very well. Good job!

From Comment Swap.

This is a very interesting short story. I wonder what turn of events – besides the debt -- caused all of this happen, thus resulting in Alejandro’s awful death. It comes off like a gang fight or a drug deal gone horribly wrong, but I’m not so sure. Anyways, I like that you have the right balance of current happenings and flashbacks, so that we really get a feel of the emotions and that the main character is feeling. Also, I’d like to find out a little bit more backstory to this; like, what really happened. I think it would really add something to this story if you would give us a backstory to it :D

My only complaints about this were that some of the writing was a bit disjointed and that there were a couple of grammar and punctuation problems here and there; the latter isn’t bad, but it was a bit confusing. Nonetheless, when the main character is being restrained by the man, you have to him talking to almost thin air, it seems, but then you mention that he slaps his phone shut. You could’ve added beforehand that he was talking on the phone to Alejandro or something like that. I suggest getting a beta to look over this story; they’ll help you iron out any kinks that you have left.

But overall, this was a really nice short story. Great job!

I really like this :)
i think you have a good writing sense.
as i was reading , i kinda hoped there would be more lol.

i even though i knew it was a short story it just got so good i wanted to continue. but anyway GOOD WORK. Keep writing :)

wow, this is so powerful. i really wasn't sure what it was going to be like, but, wow. it has the right balance of flash back, and current happenings, so you get the sense of her emotions and what's caused them too.

i'd love to know a detailed back story (like a full story), but that's just because i'm greedy and would love to know more. this is great though, just the right length to show what you're portraying. <3