The Monsters in the Rain. - Comments

Definitely some OOC, but it's still pretty good. The grammar and such could use a bit of cleaning up, but the story has a good plot and definition. Spelling, grammar, and small bits where the plot falls out.

Well...here are my notes. It's an eventful story, to say the least. 1- wonder what crawled up his ass and died...probably a seagull. The driver a medium muscled boy with messy hair chuckled, saying something to Mr. Seagull. 2- “at least we know i'm worth trident layers” he said. BAHHAHAHA ch 3- paragraph 1- There are capitalization errors and you mean "follow" not "fallow". CH 3 has lots of spelling errors- you need some major editing hun. It's "medicine" not "medicence" and I'm not sure if "meadian" is a word. Then there's "after-effect" not "after affect". And "moistneing" etc. I try not to nitpick, but this is all one ONE paragraph, the second one, to be precise, and it's very distracting. 5-Might just have to make myself a blanket with his fur... HAHAHA 5- A giant cross laid on the wall, on its side. I stopped to look at it. I suddenly knew whose house I was in, the Cullen family. I snickered to myself. So much for the vampire theory, maybe they are fairies. Yup, that's Edward's deepest darkest secret alright. END OF CH 5- really now. “I’ll tell you my secret if you tell me mine” 8- I've learned that it's funny when she mutters. It's Port Angeles, by the way. 11- HAHAHA omg that might be my favorite! Edward's coming out of the closet being mocked. bahahahaha. 12- Uhm...I don't think there's any way on this earth that Edward would say “Jacob?! What the hell man!” unless he was seriously high... You seriously spelled Emmett wrong...? In capital letters...? 14-ugh Edward is such an ASS! I can't wait til he gets what's coming to him. So is Bella. What the fuck?! Please kill her. 15-hahahahahahah oh goodness she is so funny. That puncing conversation. 17-ugh noooo you cannot seriously be heartless enough of a bitch to make Carlisle the jealous one and fall for his "daughter" because that's SICK! 18- I'm pretty sure you meant at the end of the chapter that the priest had been through alot, but it sounds creepy- like he gouged out an old dude's eyes and put them in his head or something... 20- ROFLLLL hahaha "ride me" that's TOO GOOD 21- dude, WHAT THE FUCK?! KILL THAT BITCH NOW!!!!!

I think that the sequel is gonna be awesome!! But, I dont know what to think about the Cullens anymore. I mean yes, they're still assholes for leaving Leels but they were trying to protect her. I still hate Bella. So that hasnt changed cx So wait hold up, Leels is Werewolf/Vampire/Human?!?!........lucky...haha XD I hope they decide to stay!!!!! I have a feeling Embry wont be too happy about that though :/ Well we'll just have to wait till later!! Update soon!!!
~Jazz

thats so cute about the dog that is. i love your story and does this mean that the cullens are gonna be coming back or what?

lol! Lazy dog! OO!! this is getting interesting! I don't like Bella!! She irks me! I want everyone to find out about her!

I really like this story, update soon!!

OMG EMMETT DONT LEAVE HER AGAIN!!!!!! Im completley serious....... Im mad at all the Cullens for wat they did to her and they knew wat she would go through. Oh well if u stay I'll consider forgiving u cx Update SOON!!!
~Jazz

MORE UPDATES ARE NEEDED!!!
Ps I always think updates are needed. :)

2 words...
PLEASE UPDATE!!
I love this story! It's so funny!!! And I love the characters<3

I liked it. :)
I think you should some update more!

aww when sam got all happy about her calling him dad it was so freaking cute, and i wanna beat bellas ass for dahlia cause shes a big old meanie. i know childish name but hey it fits bella well i think.

Why is Bella being a bitch?
And why did you cut Rose and Esme out of the story?
I love it XD
but i don't see Bella or Esme like that lol maybe Rose Haha XP
Update soon
What is gabe?
Will Lia be a wolf? vampire?
Ahhh i need to know...
Can't wait for more chapters to come

WTF BELLA!!!!?? I thought it was a dream at first then i relised it wasnt and im like "That bitch!!Wtf?!" I felt kinda sorry for her, now, i dont give a damn. I feel really bad for Lees though :'( I hope in the end Edward doesnt take bella back. I cant believe she did that!! whew calm down ok, Im good. Update soon!!!!!!
~Jazz

how much of a bitch can Bella be!
i mean it's her fault not Dahlia's!!!

I KNEW IT!!! Paul has a cruuushh!!! But Leels loves Emmett! *Singing voice* Anywho if the story MUST come to an end, then u have no choice. Ur gonna make a sequel. What else do I have to do in my boring life during summer? But on another topic, very, VERY nice chapter. Please update soon!
~Jazz

O.o
That was so funny!

yay im happy but i miss the cullens are they gonna be back or not cause i do but t the same time dont wanna see wat would happen to leels if they came back.

Did Paul imprint on her?????????

I can't wait for the sequel I love how this story has turned out