Kenji I: The Assasians - Comments

Comment swap brought me here.
I'm not really a fan of stories like this but it seems like you have some good ideas for it.
One thing that bothered me was that there was a lot of dialogue lumped together in one paragraph. It can get really confusing for the reader when more than one character speaks in one paragraph so you should try to always start on a new line when a different character speaks.
There were a few errors in your grammer too but nothing that can't be easily fixed with another read through. For example, when you use "i" it needs to be capitalised.
If you're only 13 like your profile claims though, this is pretty good.

Haha, I love this! Keep up the awesome work! I have the same layout :') lol

The name Kenji rocks and you are now my best friend XD

Hahaha Amaya dies!

Anyway good story I amsubscribing to this, a few grammar mistakes but you can just read through it quickly to change it

Ohand just in case you did not relize I am Amayas brother :)

Very good start, I love how it starts off with a lot of action, so good job. It's very original, althought I heard someone say it was based of Assassins Creed, and I've never played that game. Anyways, there were a few grammar problems, and a few i's that weren't capatalized. That always bothers me for someo reason. Overall, a good story and I can't wait to see what happens next, but I have a few questions like: what was the cook doing in the kitchen at 2 a.m., and why did she just let them up and leave like that? It seems a little odd.

wow that was really good, i did not expect any of that to happen :O

Keep up with the good work :)

that was really good!!!! I dont think there is anything u need 2 change just keep doing what u do and im not so into that genre but i actually liked it so yea keep on writing

Overall, the content was really good. The storyline seems really interesting and although I've never played Assassins Creed, I've watched others play it and this seems like it could really fit in. The characters sound really interesting too.

The only things you need to change is the grammar. Make sure to always capitalize, and you should make sure that every time a new character speaks, it's on a new line. When it's all blocked in one paragraph it can get a bit confusing, you know?

But overall, this is good, especially if you are only twelve like your profile says, really impressive :)

OMFG that was so good, I did not expect any of that to happen!

You made me' die! Lol but it was really good(poor Ezio)

I like how you have used my brothers name lol he will like this

Good work I am subscribing to this :D